Pink Ribbons
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "Red John had been taken down - one bullet through his head had ended it all. But though Jane had expected everything to be different... things were even worse. And what was wrong with Lisbon?" Jisbon, multi-chapter. Rated T for language and minor adult situations. According to my muse Erica, this one's very Angsty. Hurt/Comfort and Romance.
1. The News

**A/N: Okay, Dudes and Dudettes? Hi. I'm genuinely afraid of posting this story. And anxious, almost like I'll be graded for this. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind if this had actually counted for my school work but still... I'm literally shaking while publishing it. For one, I know this story immediately shows Lisbon completely OOC but you're just gonna have to bear with me here... because it will get better. And she'll fit inside her personality more in future chapters. Just this chapter... she's OOC. Accept it, please?**

**Anyway, hope you guys are able to look through the faults in this chapters. Mind you, I asked for help from my muse Erica, and she already helped me altering some aspects in this chapter. So far, she's seen six chapters and I've just finished a seventh. She's been such a tremendous help and I thank her for that. And she basically forced me with a knife to my throat to publish this so it's really her fault you're reading this now. Blame her! (lol no love you Ericaaa)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly. I'm afraid I sold my soul as well when I started watching TM - and Doctor Who a couple of days ago. So I seriously don't own anything right now.**

* * *

'_**Pink Ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 1: The News**_

He stared at the picture he was currently holding.

It was a picture taken from the crime scene of Red John's demise, many months before. One bullet straight through his head and one through his heart – he was instantly killed.

Jane's goal of living was destroyed within a matter of seconds. What was he supposed to do with his life now? End it? He had fulfilled his promise to his family – well, Lisbon had.

Lisbon. His sweet, tender Lisbon. He had actually thought that a lot would change between them with Red John being defeated, but nothing had happened up until now. He knew how he felt about her, and he could even be so arrogant to say that he knew how she felt about him too. But how could one change such a friendship without knowing for sure if it would work out as a romance? He would most certainly lose her and he couldn't ever lose her.

He sighed and put down the picture. That moment, his phone buzzed and he didn't need to look at it to know what someone down there was summoning him – probably Cho, since Lisbon would leave him up there in his attic for days if it made him happy.

When he came into the bullpen, the team had already packed their stuff and was waiting for him.

"Thanks for joining us, Jane," Lisbon said. He looked at her – she looked paler than she usually did. Perhaps she hadn't slept well that night – all his fault, obviously. "You coming with?"

"Of course."

He saw her looking at him with a hint of a doubt but she nodded anyway.

~...~

She looked even paler that night in her office. He had chosen her couch, for the first time since weeks, and was now watching her. Something was up with her, but he couldn't put his finger on it what exactly.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She didn't bother looking up, just continued her paperwork. Well, at least one thing was the same – Agent Lisbon saw no time for useless small talk.

"Lisbon?" he tried again.

"Jane, can you go sit in the bullpen or your attic instead of my office, please?"

But she looked tired and pale, he couldn't leave her alone.

"Teresa, are you alright?"

"Yes, Jane, I'm fine, now leave me alone!" she snapped, looking up.

He didn't want her to throw a stapler at him so he got up quickly and left her office. As he closed the door behind him, he looked through the glass at her.

Whatever it was that was bugging her mind – he had to find a way of making it leave.

~...~

He hadn't seen her the entire day. Where was she?

That very moment, he heard his phone buzzing and he needn't check the caller ID to know whose number it was.

"Hey Lisbon. Where are you?"

She didn't answer immediately which made all his alarm bells go off at the same time. He felt his breath accelerate. What was going on?

"Jane... I... I'm getting a scan in a few minutes."

He frowned. "A scan? For what?"

"I..." He heard her take in a deep breath. "I think I might have cancer."

His jaw dropped at the same time as his phone. He stared into the room without really looking for almost two minutes. He heard her voice coming from his phone but he couldn't move, even if his life would have depended on it.

He slowly dropped to the floor and just as slowly grabbed his phone.

"T... Te..." He stammered. He couldn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if he had heard her correctly, but he knew he had. "Where... where are you, Teresa?"

"At the hospital."

He swallowed heavily. "I'll be there as soon as I can." In fact, he was already picking up his car keys and was running out of his attic.

"Okay."

He wanted to assure her. God, she sounded so afraid. She was never afraid. Teresa Lisbon, afraid? Pff. She couldn't be.

But now she was. Because he knew she hated to lose control and this was definitely something she had no control over whatsoever. If this were true – and damn, he hoped it wasn't – she couldn't beat it with her awesome ninja moves.

He wanted to say something sweet. Something that would make her feel more at ease – but he couldn't.

_It'll be okay._ Really? He didn't know if it would be okay. It scared him too.

"I'm on my way, Teresa." With that, he hung up and ran into the parking lot.

~...~

He found her on the big staircase that was placed in the spacious main hall of the hospital. She was staring in front of her, and she looked paler than she had ever looked.

He swallowed, pushed back all the horrible thoughts that were bugging his mind, and sat down beside her.

She didn't look up at him.

"Did you get results yet?"

She let out a breath, as though between her taking in a deep breath when she was on the phone and now, she hadn't really breathed at all. She shook her head.

"Did they have any idea yet?"

She shook her head again.

"Look, Jane, you don't have to be here-"

"Why did you call me, then?"

She sighed and looked at him. He was forced to avert his eyes because he didn't like the look on her face at all. It made his chest constrict painfully.

"I just needed to hear someone's voice. It-"

"Miss Lisbon?"

She turned around, as did he, and they found a doctor standing a few steps above theirs. He was holding a file in his hand and his face was clearly showing distress. Jane didn't know an awful lot about this doctor, or any doctor in general since he had always hated them, but he did know that this was not a good sign. Again, his heart slammed against his chest.

No, please, no.

"We have your results."

He saw her nodding from the corners of his eyes and she got up.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked her. She shook her head, but he saw she was clutching her hands together – they were shaking. He nodded, slowly. "I'll be waiting here."

He stood and looked as she walked after the doctor. When she walked around the corner, he collapsed onto the stairs.

~...~

Half an hour later, minutes that went by so slowly that Jane was on the edge of screaming his frustration into the open air, she walked down the stairs again. He jumped up and looked at her.

He had always been able to see what mood she was in by her facial expression. She really was not difficult to read, but then again, all the good people were that way.

Now that he looked at her face, he knew enough.

She came to stand in front of him and swallowed a lot of times. She couldn't face him, while he wanted her to do that so badly.

"I have breast cancer," she finally whispered after an agonizing silence.

She looked at him. He saw the sensitive, frightened little girl she was deep down in her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling. Tears were burning in her eyes.

He grabbed one of her hands and rubbed the top of it with her thumb.

"I was..." she tried to say. She swallowed the lump that was currently in her throat away. He did too. "I have been feeling strange lately and... and I was too stubborn to go to the doctor because I didn't think it was something horrible... until I felt a little lump in my left breast."

She averted her eyes.

"Can they cure it?"

She shrugged, pretending not to be deterred. When she looked at him again, he saw the tears that had been threatening to fall were now streaming down her cheeks. "They will probably have to remove that breast."

His arms moved before his brain caught up and he wrapped his arm so tightly around her she started sobbing.

He lifted her just by wrapping his arms around her waist and gently carried her to the bathrooms. Her arms had wrapped around his neck just as tightly as his arms were around her. He put her down but didn't move away from her. She cried in the crook of his neck, still on tiptoes.

"I don't... I don't..." She was still sobbing. He didn't insist that she say anything, he just held her while both their worlds crumbled down all around them – for as much their lives weren't already intertwined into one. "I don't want to die."

He shut his eyes and told his mind not to cry.

Why her? Of all people who could have fallen ill, why did it have to be her? She had never done anything wrong, had never harmed a fly, only when the situation was too severe like the moment where she killed his nemesis. She hadn't done anything wrong... what did she do to deserve this?

Life wasn't fair.

~...~

He didn't want her to be alone now, but he could also admit that _he_ didn't want to be alone now. So without asking her consent, he had brought her to her apartment and had claimed the couch as his.

He had made dinner for her. She was unsurprisingly silent, just alternating between staring in front of her and staring at her lap. Some moments, she would sigh heavily, but she didn't make much other sounds.

He didn't say anything either. Their evening passed in silence.

He noticed her lifting her hand from time to time, most likely unconsciously. She would touch her breasts. Just a small brush of her fingers against the fabric of her shirt, but it was still obvious to him. It only hurt more to see her like that.

She wasn't an overly feminine woman – hell, even _he_ was more feminine than her, with his always perfectly combed hair and his ever matching three-piece-suit – but he knew she appreciated her body. He knew she didn't think of herself as a sexy woman, hence her never showing it. But the fact that he had dropped a few times that short hair would suit her well and she still hadn't done anything about that made him realize she still was a woman inside. A woman who wanted to be found beautiful and attractive. Losing one of her breasts, the very image of femininity, would be too much to cope with.

She wasn't entirely present either, not with her mind anyway. She was far away in thoughts and he had to gently lead her to her bedroom to make her go to bed. She, absent-mindedly like she'd done everything that night, stripped down to just her underwear but then stopped moving altogether.

He stepped behind her. She shuddered. Then she took in a deep breath again – her breath hitched and she lowered her head. A soft sob escaped her. He felt so helpless; he knew nothing that he could do to make her feel calm. He just hopelessly watched as she started crying again.

He lifted a trembling hand and put it on her shoulder.

"I won't allow you to die, Teresa," he whispered.

She shook her head and took in a deep breath, sniffing a bit.

"You don't have control over this-"

"No I don't. I know that. But I'll stand by you. And we'll get through this, together."

She turned around and wrapped her arms around him again.

"I haven't even told the team yet," she breathed. He lifted her and put her in her bed.

"All in good time, Teresa. Just sleep for now."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks still, even as he tucked her in. He had never in all of their years as partners seen her cry, and now she couldn't stop.

It was his entire fault.

As she slowly fell into a restless sleep, he felt tears running down his own cheeks.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed holding her hand, but he slid off the bed and kneeled on the floor, still holding her hand.

He closed his eyes. Kissed the top of her hand.

"Lord," he whispered, "I know it's a long time ago since I last talked to you. I... lost my faith. I didn't understand your ways, and I still don't. But I need your help now. I know I haven't been a nice man, and I know I have hurt a lot of souls on the road to getting my revenge. But I regret my actions. And I will do anything to become a better man, if you save my Teresa. If you want to take anyone, take me, not her. Please let her live. I need her. I want her to experience the rest of her life without having the burden of my chase blacken her heart. Please, Lord, let her be happy. Please listen to my prayers." He swallowed and blinked rapidly to let one tear fall down. "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost," he made the cross sign with his free hand, "Amen."

He grabbed a pillow from the empty side of her bed and curled up into a ball on the floor, crying, sobbing, until exhaustion beat him to sleep.

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**A/N: See? OOC. But hey, who wouldn't be shocked to find out they have cancer? And anyway, we've seen Lisbon on the brink of tears countless of times in Season 5 so I don't think it's something _completely_ OOC. Anyway, I would much appreciate it if you would let me know what you think of this story so far._  
_**


	2. Telling her

**A/N: Okay so we're taking a small step forward into time here... please take into consideration that I had actually planned for this entire story to be a one-shot instead of a multi-chapter so I never actually meant for it to make a lot of sense... or to be long and _then_ make a lot of sense. You feel me? So sorry, if you consider this jump into time isn't acceptable - but you can always stop reading, I wouldn't blame you.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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'_**Pink Ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 2: Telling her**_

Eventually, she dealt with the situation better than he might have thought she would. It had only been that day on which she found out that had been emotional for her. She insisted on going back to work the day after, saying that it was the only thing she had left at the moment. It hurt for him, though – he was the only one who knew about her inward pain and for a change, she was very good at hiding it. He had been holding her hand whispering soothing words into her ear when she cried in bed the night before, but he couldn't see anything of these tears now.

Yes, she looked paler than usual, but it wasn't a strange occurring for her.

At the end of the day, she still hadn't told the team. He didn't think she would tell them at all. He wouldn't have been surprised.

The team was in the bullpen, and Jane was observing Lisbon's behavior. He saw she wanted to walk into the bullpen, but she was afraid.

He took in a deep breath and walked into her office.

"Do you want me to tell it for you?"

She instantly shook her head.

"No. I... I don't know if I want to tell them. I will only make them worried about me."

"That's because they care about you, Teresa. But if you don't want them to know... you don't have to tell them. But you do have to realize that eventually, they will see it."

She raised an eyebrow. "It's not a pregnancy, Jane."

He smiled softly. "No, I'm aware." _If only..._ "I don't know much about how this works, but I do know that treatment will make you very weak and it can even hospitalize you. I'm just saying that you can be honest with them now... because they care about you, too."

Hell, he was already glad that she had let him in on this. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had kept this a secret to everybody, including him. And she probably would have if she hadn't been so scared for the scans and results.

"You want to tell them now?"

She sighed and put her head in her hands. She was silent for a while.

"Hey, Teresa?" he said softly. She looked up. She was upset again, the whole strength she had been feeling the entire day gone. "I'll be right behind you if you tell them."

She waited a few minutes before answering a firm, "I won't tell them yet." He nodded, understandingly, and left her office.

When the team was gone at the end of the day, she came to stand beside his couch.

He looked up. They didn't say anything, before she broke the silence.

"Will you come to my apartment again?"

He got up and nodded. "Of course, Teresa."

~...~

He watched her get into bed herself this time. He tried not to look at her body too much, but he was still a man and she an attractive woman so he couldn't stop himself. Not that he showed that he was checking her out, but he felt that she knew he was looking at her anyway.

"Teresa?" he asked as she pulled the blankets up to cover her body. She looked up at him. Even in the dimmed lighting of the bedroom, he could see she was blushing. Was it because she had been standing almost naked in front of him or because he kept calling her Teresa? He shook the though away from his mind, it wasn't important now.

"Yes?"

He hesitated before asking the question, something that he saw she had noticed too. Usually, he wouldn't shy away from asking questions, especially not with her. But now he did.

"Why am I the only one who knows about... about this?" He didn't exactly meet her eye while he asked the question, was looking down at his feet. He really did not know where to look in this moment, everything felt wrong except for his own feet.

She didn't answer him immediately either. He still didn't dare look at her face – that's why he startled when he felt a soft hand on his upper arm.

He looked up and straight into her emerald eyes.

"Because... I care about you..." she whispered. He sighed and averted his eyes. She wasn't facing her feelings, which he didn't blame her for, especially in this moment of her life. He knew she was busy with other things but this had been bothering them for so many years now that right now, it had more priority than the fact she might die of breast cancer in the near future.

"What do you want me to be, Teresa?" Because he would be everything she wanted him to be in this situation. If she asked for him to mind his own business and go away, he would do it. He would still be sad for leaving her but if it was what she wanted, then he would definitely do it. He didn't dare thinking of the other side she could be thinking of.

"What do you want to be?"

"Anything you want me to be."

She made him raise his head a bit so he looked at her again.

"Then kiss me," she whispered. His jaw almost dropped but his confusion didn't last long, as he put his hands in her neck and linked their lips.

He quickly felt his cheeks getting wet but at that moment, he didn't care whether he was crying or she. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her into the air, gently placing her on the bed. She moved back until her head was on her pillow, his lips already attacking her neck.

He stopped though when he arrived at her breasts. She covered her face with her hands and her breath hitched in her throat. He shook his head. They weren't going to do this. This pain was much too fresh for both of them. He went up to her face, kissing her lips again. She was now covering her chest.

He gently made her wrap her arms around him in any way she deemed desirable. He continued kissing her, more passionately than before, losing himself in the touch of her lips against his. How long had he wanted to hold her in this way? How long had he longed to kiss those perfect lips of hers? He honestly had lost count. Just like he was losing his sanity with every small moan she let out.

He loved her. He really did. He couldn't go back now. If she would reject him, he would die a painful death. He had made himself an easy target but damn, he really wanted her. He loved her!

He pulled away slightly with a soft smacking sound. He looked into her eyes – they were filled with so much love he almost choked. He brushed her cheek and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep now, Teresa. I have you."

She rubbed her nose against his. He smiled – the gesture was so sweet it was almost uncharacteristic for Teresa Lisbon.

"I want you to take off your clothes first. I won't sleep until you're here in your underwear."

He stared at her as though she had lost her mind, and she probably had. But he also chuckled and did as she ordered him, stripping down in front of the bed until only his underwear remained. It didn't feel weird at all to slip beside her in the bed, or to wrap his arms around her tightly, to have her breath warm his neck or to have her soft hair tickle his shoulders. If anything, he decided this was where they both belonged.

"No matter what happens in the future," he whispered, "I love you. I know it's not worth much with everything I have done to you in the past, but I really do. And I'll stand beside your side with every decision you make." He kissed her lips, softly. "And... I won't allow you to die. I will personally drag you out of Heaven by your ear if you go there without telling me first."

This made her chuckle but he could also read in her eyes that she was scared. He knew the feeling, he was too. He had no precedent of this situation, so he had no idea how to handle this. And he didn't know much about cancer treatments either. He would have to do research into that.

"I love you too, Patrick."

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**A/N: So, how bad was that? Let me know, please!**


	3. Hair problems

**A/N: I know it's been a while since I last updated! Not gonna lie, I was too busy watching Doctor Who than check this chapter, go on, blame me. Anyway, it's here now, so your prayers have been answered! ^^ Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed, it really means a lot to me that you think about my story like this!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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'_**Pink Ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 3: Hair problems**_

_Seven weeks later_

Jane couldn't wipe the smile off his face even if someone would force him with a gun.

He felt so happy he was about to explode with rainbows and flowers. Of course, they were still hurt and it was still difficult to think about what was actually happening.

She had received two chemotherapies in these seven weeks. It had completely weakened her body at the time but she was strong. Thanks to her great stamina and fit body, she managed to recover from the blows of the therapies rather quickly.

After some other tests before the therapies, it was indicated that the lump in her breast was too big to remove surgically. They had asked for Lisbon's own consent to remove the entire breast but she had stuck with the option of taking heavy chemotherapy to save her breast. It did make him more nervous, though, since now the chance of the cancer spreading rapidly was bigger.

He sighed and thought of the happy moments in these past weeks. Like them finally giving in to these feelings they had been feeling for years.

He heard the bathroom door open behind him. He smiled but didn't turn around, instead focused on the cooking he had to do.

"Patrick?" her voice broke the silence, small and fragile. Why was she so insecure all of a sudden? She had entered the bathroom teasing him about something small.

"Yes, my dear?"

"I want you to cut my hair."

He frowned. He quickly rounded off what he had been working on and turned off the stove. He turned around towards her – she was standing in the door opening, her face sad but he saw no tears. She lifted her hand and he saw a long strand of her beautiful hair wrapped around her slim fingers.

The bottom of his stomach dissolved into nothingness and he was left staring at her with tears burning behind his eyes.

She raised her free hand and rubbed her face briefly. "I was washing my hair and I wanted to comb it afterwards and then... this."

She stepped towards him.

"I want to get rid of it before it's becoming obvious that I'm losing it... and instead I want a wig."

He stared at her for a long time, then shook his head. "But... Teresa-"

"I'm going to lose it anyway, Patrick. I don't want it to hurt more and longer than it does now."

"But why do you want me to do it?"

She came closer and brushed her lips against his. Her free hand grabbed one of his. She looked into his pale green eyes.

"You're the only one I trust," she whispered. He rested his forehead against hers. God, he didn't want to be in this situation. Any situation would be okay, but not this one. He loved her hair... and she loved her hair, too. How could he rid her of it, to be replaced by artificial hair? He shook his head again, but before he could think about it, his lips said, "Okay."

~...~

He could see the reflection of her face in the mirror in front of her. Her face was set on determination, but her eyes were telling something completely different. But he knew that she was right – it would only go downhill from now on, it would only hurt more. It would only be more difficult. Perhaps it hurt less for her than for him because she had known from the start that this would eventually happen, her doctor had told so. He hadn't seen it coming, even when he had attended all of her appointments with her. Maybe he hadn't heard the doctor tell her that she would lose her hair due to the chemotherapy, or maybe his mind had shut it out. Probably the last one.

"I'm so sorry, Teresa..." he whispered. She shook her head, but she swallowed too.

"It's okay, Patrick," she replied. "Do it."

He raised his hand which held a pair of scissors and lifted a large strand of her hair. While his hands were shaking, he still managed to cut it off with a swift movement. He watched as it fell to the floor, and he felt a warm tear trickle down his cheek.

He raised his head and looked at her. She had an electric razor in her hands.

"It takes too long," she said. "Take this."

When he hesitated too long to reach for it, she raised it herself and shaved one long line off her head. He gasped, but she didn't hesitate once, continuing until only one spot on her head remained. She briefly played with it, twisting the hair around her finger, then with one flick of her hand, she shaved that part off too.

When she put down the razor, she lowered her head. She took in a deep breath. She didn't look up for a while. He sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Teresa."

She looked up with tears in her eyes, but she had a small smile on her lips too. She raised the razor again, her eyes suddenly filled with love and admiration. She ran a hand through his curls. Then she moved over and straddled his lap.

"Do you trust me?" she asked, gently. He ran a hand over her now bald head and sighed.

"Yes. With all my might."

She bowed down to kiss him softly and he shuddered under her lips. When she pulled away, she straightened a bit and kissed the top of his head – then raised her hand and gave his hair the same treatment as hers. Now, he really started crying, but not for his loss of his hair, but for her sweetness and thoughtfulness.

He loved her so much. He would die if she did.

When she was finished, she put down the razor and looked him in the eye again.

"Now we both lost our amazing hair," she stated. He chuckled and nodded. He pulled her close and let her tuck her head under his chin – and now he saw himself in the mirror.

His handsome blond curls, all gone. The only thing left was about 3 millimeters, a small blond line of hair gracing the top of his head. But there was no reason to be sad, though – to be fair, it actually looked kind of good. Temporarily. And he knew it would all grow back, it would just take a while. It had been high time to visit a hairdresser anyway.

His hands brushed over her bald head.

"Will you marry me?" he suddenly asked. He even surprised himself, but he didn't regret it this time. And he still remembered what he had asked her when she straightened and frowned at him.

"Come again?"

"I said; will you marry me?"

Her frown lessened but she was frowning nonetheless. He could read in her eyes that she couldn't believe he had just popped this question. After all these years of waiting, why _now_?

"Why? Is it because you pity me?"

He sighed and brushed both her arms. He shook his head.

"No. It is because all of this... the past ten years, Red John, this," he said as he softly brushed her left breast, "has made me realize that life is too short. In one short moment, everything can change. I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting not having asked you to marry me."

"You're so sure I will die?"

His eyes widened. "No! No, of course not! I'm just saying that... you _could_... but I would be heartbroken if that were to happen, and I would never be able to move on anymore. If you die... I'll die with you. But if we die... I want it to be with matching rings. So that in a couple of hundred years' time, when they dig up our bodies, they will look at us and know what true love is."

She rolled her eyes and slapped his chest. "That's way too corny."

"I know, my love. But that's what you make me do. Please, grant me the honor of marrying you." Then he smiled cheekily. "If you're hesitating because you're afraid you'll have to squeeze into a dress, don't worry, I wouldn't mind you in tight jeans either. They really show off your great butt."

She smiled. She bowed down and softly kissed his lips, letting her hand brush the top of his head. When she pulled away, she was smiling even brighter.

"Yes. I want to marry you. But not for that whole body and true love story."

He chuckled, and kissed her again. And again. Until their passion rose so high they saw no other option but to move their sweet moment to the bedroom.

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**A/N: So? What do you think? Let me know in a REVIEW, please!**


	4. Honeymoons and wigs

**A/N: 'Kay, so here we go again; I knoooow my grammar is not perfect, working on it. Aaaanyway, here's the next chapter ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

_**'Pink Ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 4: Honeymoons and wigs**_

She kissed his chest and drew small invisible hearts on it with her index finger. He smiled sweetly, his hand brushing her back.

"You know to where I want to take you for our honeymoon?" he asked, a small pant still audible in his voice. She smiled and raised her head.

"Do tell."

He looked at her while his eyes figuratively exploded with love and glee.

"Rome," he stated. "And all the other beauties of Italy; Venice, Florence, Milan, Tuscany, Verona, Perugia-"

"We're not going to have time to travel through the whole of Italy, Jane."

He smirked. "Not in three weeks, no."

She groaned. "I won't go to Italy for more than that-"

"Half a year."

"Half a year?!" she all but exclaimed. "No! I won't go to Italy for half a year-"

He silenced her with a kiss and pulled her on top of him, letting his hand slide down to her nice, rounded butt. He gave it a teasing slap. She gasped but melted into the kiss anyway.

He pulled away slightly, and brushed her cheek.

"Doesn't it sound amazing?" he whispered against her lips. "We can spend six months together... just us, in the most beautiful country of the world."

"Jane... we can't go away for six months... I have treatments here."

"Look at it as a promise, then... when the cancer is in remission, we'll go there. You deserve it. And I want to spend as much time with you as possible."

She looked at him with a lot of doubt in her eyes.

"What if I'm never cured?"

"Shh," he hushed her, shaking his head and kissing the tip of her nose. "Don't think like that. Of course you'll be cured. You're Teresa Lisbon, when has anything stopped you from doing what you want?"

She sighed and reached up. She kissed the top of his head.

"Alright," she finally said, "Fine. But don't book anything annoyingly expensive. Please."

He smiled and nodded. "Okay, Teresa." He rubbed a hand over her bald head. "How about that wig you wanted?"

~...~

He knew she didn't like doing this, but he also knew she wanted a wig – hell, she had told him right after she had told him she wanted him to cut her hair. Okay, even though she had practically done it herself, he decided it still counted.

He opened the door for her and she reluctantly stepped inside. She instantly adjusted the summer hat she was wearing and nervously fumbled with her clothes. If he didn't know better, he would think she regretted shaving her head now.

"Hello-o-o Beautiful!" the owner of the shop said as he maneuvered through the shop. He smiled sweetly at her – not flirting because if his pants were any indication, women were not his cup of tea – and bent his knees to look under her hat.

"Can I remove this dreadful thing?" he asked her. She hesitated again but nodded. He gave the hat one quick hit underneath and the hat flew from her head. Jane could read in her eyes that she expected the man to feel pity for her; instead he just framed her head with both hands and smiled.

"You're beautiful, love."

She looked at Jane. He smiled at her too, then shrugged. "It's true."

The man looked at her once more and then suddenly took off into the storage room.

She shot Jane a look now.

"Do you know this man?"

"Well... I know of him."

"Jane..."

"Teresa, I want you to be in the best of hands." He sighed, stepped closer. "When the carnival would be here or in the vicinity of Sacramento, the rubber girls would always go here for new wigs to use in their performance. Pinks, purples, blues, greens... I always thought they looked ridiculous, but they enjoyed what they were doing, unlike me. Eventually, they got tired of putting their own hair away so they just shaved it off. But this also caused them to have to buy normal wigs as well... they were very good. In my opinion, this is the best shop for these things."

She nodded. He saw she appreciated that he was so open to her, that he had revealed something like that from his past.

The owner of the shop returned with a few wigs stuck underneath his right arm. With his left hand, he got one of the wigs and held it up for both of them to see.

"Blond," Teresa deadpanned. Jane chuckled and turned to the owner.

"Keep it aside – trust me, she'll grow to love it."

"Jane! Stop it!"

He chuckled but the owner still did what Jane had told him. He continued to the next wig, which was a dark brown one. Jane saw Teresa had her doubts.

"Why don't you just try it on, Teresa? Just see what it looks like on you."

She rolled her eyes, but took the wig from the owner anyway. She sighed, bowed forward, put the wig on and flipped her hair back when she straightened.

To Jane, it felt like the spotlights that were already around her in his mind just were turned to their full capacity, choirs singing behind him. His heart warmed and she noticed just from looking in his eyes, he knew it.

She averted her eyes as he saw a small blush forming on her cheeks. He smiled softly.

"This looks like what I had before. I like this."

Jane stepped towards the owner of the shop and looked at the wigs he was holding. No blonds then, no reds either if he knew his Teresa well enough, so he settled for the only black one the owner had picked out.

"Why don't you use that one for daily use," he started. He raised the black wig. "And use this one for special occasions?"

"What special occasions, Jane?"

"You decide," was all he said, but he added a very small wiggle of his eyebrows. He knew when her blush intensified that she had gotten the message.

"Isn't it supposed to be a blond wig then?"

"It depends on our... fantasies. Mine haven't really revolved around a blonde woman for a long time."

She stared at him, then almost gasped as she realized what he was actually saying. She knew spending time on it would not help anyone, so she just groaned, pulled off the wig she was wearing and frantically put on the other.

It was a long one with bangs that stopped just above her eyebrows.

"I really like this one though, Teresa," he said softly. He came closer to her and kissed her forehead, now covered by the bangs. The hair tickled against his lips, but it didn't feel very artificial to him, even though he knew it was, especially for that price. "It accentuates your beautiful eyes."

She rolled her eyes but when she was about to avert her eyes, he made her look at him again and bowed down to softly kiss her lips. She smiled against his lips, making him smile in return.

"Naww... true love is truly beautiful," the owner said. Teresa pulled away from Jane slightly and smiled softly at him.

"Okay. We'll take these two. But I'll wear the brown one to work and I'll only wear the black one for your selfish pleasures."

He chuckled. He kissed her forehead again.

"Alright, my love. As you wish. I'm paying, though."

"Jane, you're paying for my treatments as well-"

"We're almost living together in your apartment and you were already insisting on paying the rent yourself. I disagreed with that but hey, it's your apartment and you've been living there for years so I won't protest about that. But the treatments are expensive and you wouldn't have been able to pay for it yourself. And we both want you to get cured and I have a lot of money I wouldn't do anything with anyway. I'd rather want to spend it on saving the woman I love than useless things."

She looked at him intently for a while, a tiny bit of confusion lingering in her emerald eyes.

"'The woman you love'? You... _love_ me?"

He almost huffed. What was she thinking? He had told her countless of times that he loved her! How could she think he didn't? "Teresa, my love... I proposed to you... didn't I? Would I do that if I don't love you?"

She swallowed and averted her eyes. "I... I don't know."

"Do I need to propose to you again?"

She rolled her eyes but still didn't face him.

"I think I just... even after these... weeks together... I think it's still difficult for me to get used to you... loving me like this. I... I've known you cared about me for a long time. But not... not like this. Not this intimate and passionate."

"There are a few aspects you haven't seen in all the years we have worked together; the loving husband is one of them. But I'm intending to show you every side there is to me, just like I can't wait to see every side of you. I know I haven't been nice to you and I know I've hurt you, more than anyone or anything has ever hurt you before. I'm aware of that. But I want to chase away those memories by replacing them with new, better ones."

"Jane... Patrick. I know why you hurt me."

He frowned. "You do? I don't think you do."

"But I do, though. You were trying to protect me. You thought that by hurting me and pushing me away, I would pull away from you too. And I wouldn't fall in love with you. You wanted to be alone in your hunt, because you knew that people who came close to you would get hurt. But the thing was, Jane – I have been hurt before. Many times. I'm used to it, I can take the pain by now." She sighed and looked him in the eye. "Just like you, I have a weakness too – I do what's worst for me. I hurt myself by loving people. Sometimes it bites me in the butt and it will make me feel horrible. Other times, it pays off, and these moments make me feel glad I stayed." She brushed her lips against his. "Like with you. I could have kept away. I could have given you the space you needed, but instead I didn't."

She kissed him, softly. When she pulled away, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can pretend the past ten years were the most horrible years of my entire life... but I'm bad with acting. I've known worse moments in my life, like after my mum died or when my dad killed himself and left me and my three younger brothers. The past ten years are by far the best I've ever had - because I had_ you_. Not in the way I had wanted to have you... but you were still there."

She kissed his cheek, briefly.

"When you walked into the bullpen that first time, you reminded me of myself when my mum had died. You didn't think you deserved love so you stayed away from people. You were afraid of love – _to_ _love_. When I was in that position, I didn't have anyone to love me or to help me... the least I could do was give you help. That's my weakness – I only help people but never let them help me."

She kissed his lips again.

"I love you. I've always loved you, but I think you know that. And I admit, I've been afraid of you loving me back... but I will accept it now. All of it."

He wrapped his arms around her as well and smiled into the crook of her neck.

"Thank you for being so honest with me, Teresa," he whispered in her ear. She smiled too.

"It must be my medication," she deadpanned.

He chuckled while tears left his eyes, trickling down into the dark strands of her wig. He didn't deserve such a beautiful and kind woman like her, but the fact was that she was _his_. He didn't deserve her, but he still had her. And he would be forever grateful for her sticking by him and kicking his ass – because he did deserve _that_.

* * *

**A/N: So, let me know! What did you think of this? A little bit of Romance, sweetness, a lot of fluff and a bit of some inside-information on what I think are Lisbon's emotions concerning her and Jane. Can be wrong, though. Let me know anyway!**


	5. Stretching it

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reviewing and following! I love you all! (And in the less interesting news, I finished watching Doctor Who today so now I'll have to wait till the end of November for my death. Just saying, lol.)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly.**

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'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 5: Stretching it**_

Van Pelt was almost staring Jane's head off his torso. He smiled softly every time she looked away just when he turned his head towards her. He looked into the rearview mirror and found Teresa's eyes – she was smiling at him too.

"Grace," Jane started as he focused on the road in front of him again. "If there's something you want to ask, just ask. You know you don't have to be ashamed of being curious."

The redhead frantically shook her head but awkwardly and nervously fumbled with her hands. She put one underneath her chin and put on a show of looking outside. Jane laughed to himself and shook his head.

After a few minutes, Jane could feel Van Pelt was going to break the silence.

And fair enough, she groaned and turned in the passenger seat.

"Are you guys sleeping together?" she finally asked. Jane met Teresa's glance again but she wasn't blushing – she was just smiling and looking at him with a look that said _'go ahead, explain it without making me angry'_. He was walking on eggshells, that's for sure.

The team didn't know about her illness yet, and Teresa wanted to keep it that way. He could do nothing other than respect her decision and help her keeping the secret safe. She was still getting used to the idea of being ill with such a heavy disease; she had no idea how to tell them. And anyway, she was still afraid that they would worry too much about her, and apparently, that was a bad thing. In her eyes it was. He knew it was only a good sign that the team would be worried about Teresa because quite frankly, they had every right to be worried about her. But he also understood her reluctance to tell people – she would most likely be treated differently, be pitied more, and she really didn't like that. It would change her whole life even more drastically; the only thing that remained the same was her job.

The team had been shocked to find out that Jane had shaved his head but they hadn't questioned him about it. After all, he had done stranger things in his history at the CBI and this was not even close to the top of the list.

Jane shook his head to clear his mind and smiled.

"Yes. We are."

"I knew it!" Van Pelt exclaimed, then clasped her hands together and made strange tiny noises that almost sounded like she was choking. "Oh, I'm so happy for you guys! For how long?"

"About five weeks – but we've been sharing my apartment for over seven."

"And is it good?" Van Pelt asked. Then she realized what she had asked and quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my god, what am I thinking? Of course it's good, I mean look at you two!"

She blushed even more and bit her lip so hard it just had to hurt, and turned towards the window again. Jane chuckled and he saw that Teresa was smiling too.

"Sorry, forget I said anything."

"It's okay, Grace. It's good to be curious."

Van Pelt didn't say anything until they arrived at the gym. She almost jumped out of the car and ran into the building, her cheeks burning.

Jane helped Teresa with her bag, even though she claimed she didn't need any help, and also picked up Van Pelt's bag which she'd forgotten in her rush to get away from them.

He gently pushed Teresa against the car and bowed down to whisper in her ear. He could feel her shuddering against him and he smiled out of satisfaction.

"She knows about _us_... I think it's only fair she knows about this," he said while brushing her left breast, "as well."

"Jane, we've discussed this... I'm just not ready yet. I'll them when the right moment is there."

He studied her face for a few seconds and found she wasn't lying. He nodded and stepped away from her, letting her follow Van Pelt into the gym.

He skipped after her, barely remembered the lock Teresa's car on his way to follow the ladies.

"Thanks for bringing us here, Jane, now you can go," she said when he caught up with both. He handed them their bags but didn't move away. She noticed his behavior and frowned at him.

"Jane."

"I'll be here, Teresa. Just go and enjoy yoga class, if you need me, I'll be right here waiting for you."

"How old do you think I am? Three?"

"No. But I like to take care of you from time to time."

She groaned. "I knew the invitation to bring us to yoga class wasn't all there was to it. I knew there was a catch in the deal."

He shook his head. "No catch. Just being a gentleman."  
"A gentleman? Right." She sighed again and shrugged. "Fine. We'll be back in an hour or so. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone or I swear, I'll punish you."

He smirked. "I can't wait."

He watched her walk towards the room, seeing her turn around one more time to raise a finger at him, warningly. He chuckled and raised his hands in defense.

When she walked around the corner, he leant back in the chair he was seated in and looked around. Wait... that red button looked rather interesting...

~...~

"Sir, I swear, he had no right to do what he did and I will make him pay for the damage he has done to the building."

"Damage? Damage?! He set off the fire alarm, caused the fire-brigade, the police and an ambulance to come here for a non-existent fire and made everyone present in this building run outside in a blind panic!"

Teresa nodded. "I understand. I'm sorry for his behavior, and it won't happen again, I promise."

"You're damn right it won't happen again, because you two are never allowed here ever again!"

Jane's smile faltered. He watched as Lisbon's face dropped too. He stepped behind her and glared at the owner of the gym.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but-"

"Jane, stop it. It's fine."

"No, it's not fine, Teresa." He looked at the man again. "She had nothing to do with this. At the moment when I misbehaved, she was in yoga class, behaving perfectly. It's not fair to punish her for my misbehaving. She's not responsible for me, not here anyhow because she's not working-"

"Jane, stop it-"

"-and even if she was, my actions should in no way affect _her_ credibility or effectiveness. So punish me, I'm fine with it. But leave her out of this."

He looked over at Teresa – she was doubting between hugging for standing up to the owner of the gym for her, or punching him in the nose for the same thing – and for not listening to her.

"And she did nothing wrong; I was the one at fault. Just because we're engaged doesn't mean that-"

"Jane!"

"What, Teresa? I'm trying to defend your case!"

"That's great," she said, and her voice grew quieter when she spoke again, "but Grace didn't know yet."

Jane frowned and looked to where he had last seen Van Pelt. Fair enough, she didn't know yet – her mouth was wide agape as were her eyes.

There was no time to explain the situation to the poor redhead as the furious man in front of them started ranting again.

"Nonetheless, I demand that Mr. Jane pays for the damage that has been done to the building-"

"Absolutely," Jane answered, completely shocking Teresa, "but Teresa will be allowed back without a fuss."

"And you will make an apology?" the man asked. Jane nodded.

The man seemed to think Jane's attempts at a peace offering through, as he was silent for a while. He looked around, then sighed.

"Alright."

Then the man looked at Jane expectantly, to which the latter merely frowned.

"Your apology," Teresa whispered. Jane's eyes widened.

"Ah, yes. Of course."

He took in a deep breath, opened his mouth to say something but shut it again.

"I..."

He looked at Teresa. He could read in her eyes that she was doubtful whether he was really going to apologize, since he never did.

He sighed. He wanted a new life with her? A better one, in which he would be a better man for her, the kind of man he would want her to have? He had better start working for it.

He looked back at the owner.

"I'm sorry."

From the corner of his eyes, he could note Teresa softly smiling. His heart warmed – at least he had done her some good as she was able to smile again.

The man nodded.

"Very well. Your apologies are accepted, Mr. Jane. But you're still not able to come into this gym ever again."

"I understand."

The man nodded again. "Now, about the money..."

Jane reached into his jacket pocket, got out a small piece of paper, looked around and when he had found a pen, he started writing. When he was done, he handed it to the owner.

"Just send the bill to this address, I'll pay everything."

"Thank you, Mr. Jane."

Jane shrugged, nodded at him one last time and then walked away.

"I'm very sorry once again, Sir," Jane heard Teresa say behind him. He heard the soft thuds that sounded through the hall by her small feet (considering she wasn't clad in Agent Lisbon attire, but in her Zen Teresa one, she wasn't wearing shoes but only socks), which obviously sped up. He saw next to him that Van Pelt hurried to follow them and as they approached the car, Jane could feel the younger agent becoming angry next to him. Before he was able to open the door to the driver's seat, she slammed the door shut and stood in front of him.

"Okay, what is going on?" she almost roared. "Why didn't you tell us that you are engaged? And why is Jane suddenly this nice? He hasn't made an apology since he started working for the CBI! And now that we're on it; why the hell have you cut your hair? You would never do that, you're _much_ too vain!"

"Grace, please calm down," Jane tried to reason with the angry woman. Yet before the redhead could rant again, Teresa closed her eyes – and pulled her wig off her head.

Jane saw Van Pelt's face go pale, her mouth opening several times but no sound came out. Like a fish that was trying to get air.

"Boss... what happened?"

"Cancer is what happened."

If it was possible, Van Pelt's face grew even paler. Within seconds, the younger agent had her arms wrapped around Teresa.

"Oh my god, Boss, are you alright?"

"No. But I will be."  
"Are you sure? What kind do you have?"

"Breast cancer."

Van Pelt jumped away from her as if burnt, looking down at Teresa's chest. The latter woman smiled softly – Van Pelt could be so predictable sometimes.

"No, they are still mine," she said before Van Pelt could ask something.

"But..."

"The doctors had to ask me whether I wanted them removed. I said I didn't so now I have chemotherapies... explaining this," she said, holding up her wig.

"But isn't it better to just get rid of them?"

"Yes, but the problem is that... that I don't want them removed. Not even one."

Van Pelt nodded in understanding and they were all silent for a while.

"I'm so sorry for not telling you and the boys... I wanted to... but I didn't want to make you worried about me. You're all still dealing with what Red John's defeat left behind and I didn't want it to become worse. I knew I should have told you... but I didn't really know what I would be expecting either. Jane... told me many times that I should tell you but I just couldn't. Not yet."

"I understand. And I'm sure the guys will understand too." She hugged Teresa close again, and reached an arm out for Jane to join in their hug. He did so reluctantly, but placed a butterfly kiss in her hair anyway.

"I'm glad you let Jane in, though," Van Pelt whispered. "I don't think I would have understood if you had accepted to go through with this completely on your own."

She sighed softly. "I knew you two were closer than with any of us anyhow. I just think it sucks that you have to get together under these kinds of circumstances."

She pulled away and brushed both their cheeks, giving Jane the feeling she was some sort of mother. Which was weird, considering he and Teresa were actually the mum and dad of the team, and not the other way around.

"Now don't tell me you're pregnant as well."

* * *

**A/N: So, let me know what you think, please! Thanks!**


	6. Why?

**A/N: So... it took me a bit longer than I had anticipated, even though I had finished this chapter a long time ago now. It's just that I had to work a lot of hours these past few days and I just can't find any willpower to post chapters of this story, no matter how much I want it. I'm always nervous when I'm posting chapters and all the frustration work has brought me has caused me to not be able to handle it. Today was better... so that's why I have this chapter for you! ^^**

**This chapter has a strong T-rating at moments, for slight adult situations as well as for bad language. And oh, on a side note... I was crying while writing the second half of this chapter. You're warned.**

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'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter Six: Why?**_

He smiled as he saw her focusing on the screen in front of her. He loved the little frown she always subconsciously sported when she was concentrated, and the little line that formed in-between her eyebrows.

Yet not now. They were at home – and in any case, she had promised him an early bed-retirement. He knew what that meant, and it made his heart jump to the moon every time he thought of holding her in his arms in such a passionate and intimate way.

"Teresa-a-a," he whined softly. He got no reply.

He poked her side and she jumped slightly. But still, she did not respond to him.

Damn, he felt like a four-year-old demanding its mother's attention – which she obviously wasn't going to give to him now.

"I won't read you a bedtime story and tuck you in, Jane," she murmured. He laughed softly.

"No need, I'm a big boy."

She tilted her head backwards until her lips were in a close enough proximity for him to kiss them gently.

"Yes, you are." She smiled. "I'm very proud of you for apologizing to Mr. Smith yesterday." Then, her smile turned mischievous. "My little boy is growing up. You're almost a man now."

He poked her side again, causing her to chuckle but more in shock.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on the top of her head. He could look at the screen now – she tensed up and went to close the tab but he stopped her.

"What's this?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"No, not nothing." He covered her hand on the mouse and scrolled up the page to its top.

He read the page's contents. _How will chemotherapy affect my menstrual cycle?_

"Teresa?"

She sighed and turned her hand upwards, linking it with his.

"I haven't had my period since a week after my first chemotherapy – and I should have had it then. I can't really think of anything else that can affect my menstrual cycle. It's getting really annoying; I hate not having my period at regular moments."

He ignored the fact that she actually had not had her period in weeks while she had claimed she did, and moved on to the more important part of her confession – she hadn't had her period for weeks.

"Teresa..." he breathed.

"Jane, stop doing that."

"Teresa. You do know that something else can cause your menstrual cycle to be acting weird, right?"

She didn't respond but instead stared in front of her for a long time.

"No... I can't... be, right?"

"Why can't you be, Teresa? I find that at the rate we're going, I'm surprised it didn't happen before."

He got up and all but ran away. He searched in the night table at his side of the bed. Eventually, he found a small wooden box, picked it up and set it right beside her laptop. He opened it.

"My emergency box," he whispered. He knelt down beside the chair she was sitting in and got out some items – some money, probably around a hundred bucks. Candles, sugar, salt, a chocolate bar... and then some more interesting items, like a bunch of condoms and a pregnancy test. He wasn't even sure he could explain it to her, even if he wanted to.

When he handed the last item to her, both their hands were shaking.

"What if I am?" she asked. Her voice was soft yet laced with fear.

"If you are... then I'll be the happiest man in the world."

She closed her eyes. "But this is really fast... we're not even married yet."

"We don't need to be married to take this step... I'm ready for it."

She sighed and got up. But before she left the room, she grabbed his hand.

"Come with me, then."

~...~

She kissed his throat when he threw his head back, in the same moment he succumbed to absolute pleasure. His hands were everywhere on her body, frantically cupping, stroking, admiring and loving.

"I love you," he whispered, and hugged her closer to him. She ran a hand over his head and breathed in his ear.

"The test."

He let out a shaky breath and nuzzled the skin in her neck.

"Hmm?" he murmured dreamily.

"Patrick, the pregnancy test."

He tensed up and his eyes shot open.

"The test," he said now too. He reached behind her and retrieved the pregnancy test they had left there some minutes ago – right before they became too anxious and tried to forget about it all by making love on the toilet lid. She in his lap, his arms wrapped around her waist.

"Whatever happens now," he whispered, "I will always love you. If it's negative I will, and if it's positive, I will too."

She nodded but she wasn't really with it anymore. She gently grabbed his arm to raise the test. She made him bend his arm until the test was rested in between their sweaty bodies.

He didn't look down at it. Instead, he chose to read her facial expression to determine the result. Which was rather difficult at first because she kept staring down for at least a minute. Yet when she looked up at him, he basically knew enough. Though her eyes told her she doubted, it was better than nothing.

"It only has one stripe on it," she whispered. He couldn't help but notice the faint trail of disappointment in her voice, like she was expecting the opposite of what she was finding out now and had already been dreading this very result.

He raised his hand and had a look at it as well. It had one obvious stripe... and one very faint one.

"No... It says two."

She frowned. Looked at it again. "Aren't they supposed to be equally bright?"

He shook his head. "No, one of them can be lighter than the other."

He saw she was having her doubts, so he reached behind her again and got the other type of pregnancy test.

She stared at him.

"When did you do that one?"

"While you were busy getting out of your pretty blouse." He flashed a small, loving smile. "I like to have certainty... with Charlotte, it took five tests until it was absolutely certain that Angela was pregnant... and it was this type that did it."

She brushed his cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't know, Patrick."

"I know. But I did. It's okay, Teresa, it is. You couldn't have known because I hadn't told you before."

"Let's look at the other one, then." She looked down and then instantly looked up again. "Yes."

He framed her face with both his hands and kissed her passionately, for once forgetting about all that had happened but instead focusing solely on her, on them... on what they had created. Together.

~...~

_One week later_

"Do you need to sit down?" he asked her as they arrived in the waiting area. She rolled her eyes at him.

"No."

He chuckled and brushed her still flat belly before she leant against the wall. She was so stubborn and it made him smile once again. There were so many seats available but simply because he had offered to help her sit down, she refused.

Damn, his tough little woman made his heart accelerate.

The first two chemotherapies were hard, especially the waiting and the talks before it. They had no idea what they could have been expecting. They didn't know how tough it would be on her body, on her strength. Everything could have been possible.

By now, after one more, they knew the routine. No reason for nerves anymore, so there was more time for small talk and dreamy smiles.

"Teresa," the doctor said before he even was standing on the hallway. She pushed off the wall and walked towards him. The man signed for Jane to join too and he did, though he didn't think it was necessary.

They all sat down and the doctor looked at Teresa's file for a while.

"So, Teresa. How are you feeling?"

She smiled at Jane. "Perfect."

The doctor noticed. He closed his eyes, just briefly but long enough for Jane to notice. He didn't like the vibe he got from the doctor at all.

"Did anything change in between your last chemo and now?"

She looked at him for a few seconds, then nodded and smiled brightly again, almost proudly even.

"We found out that we're pregnant."

And right in that moment, Jane saw something breaking in the doctor's eyes. He closed them again but longer this time, putting his head in his hands.

Teresa seemed to be confused as to what had caused such an intense reaction from a doctor but Jane knew what was going on. He looked down at his lap, then closed his eyes.

_No. Please, no. Don't say it. Not this, not now._

He could feel Teresa growing worried beside him, as she still had no clue what was going on.

"Teresa..." the man said as he looked up at her. "Your cancer is advanced. And while it's still, thankfully, only in your breast... you will be needing all the chemotherapy you can get, since you refused to remove your breast, which I respect, truly I do. But the type of chemotherapy you're receiving is strong, even officially too strong for a woman your size and weight. There's a big chance it will harm your baby."

Jane felt tears burning in his eyes but he stubbornly blinked them away. He looked at Teresa – she was left flabbergasted at what the doctor was telling her. Jane's heart constricted painfully, even more so than all these times when he had hurt her over the past decade.

"I'm sorry to say this, Teresa, but to ensure your safety... you will have to terminate your pregnancy."

Then, it grew awfully silent in the room. Jane watched helplessly as Teresa's jaw slowly dropped and her face grew pale. She couldn't say anything for some long minutes.  
Eventually, she swallowed, as though she was giving herself one last chance to gain enough courage and strength.

"No," she said, simply, though her voice was slightly shaking.

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"No. I won't terminate my pregnancy. I will keep my baby."

"Teresa... you don't understand the implications this will have on your child-"

"Then don't give me chemotherapy. Stop it until after my baby is born."

"That's highly unreasonable-"

"But I didn't ask _you_ to judge _me_ of that, did I? I'm keeping my baby."

The doctor was losing his patience, Jane could see that.

"Teresa, you might die if we don't give you chemotherapy!"

She jumped up, tears in her eyes from anger and frustration. "Then let me die! Let me die, see if I give a shit! I've been through hell my entire life, left for dead by my own freaking dad! I've been treated like shit, I've been called names, and I've been bullied. I've been hurt and lied to by the man I'm love with. I've had to endure hearing that I have breast cancer, that I might lose one of my breasts and that I might even die. And the one moment," she hissed, "the one moment I'm truly, _truly_ happy, EVERYTHING'S taken away from me. So you go ahead and tell me how I should live my life, but it's not yours, and it will never be. It's not up to you to decide that I should kill my baby," she looked at Jane briefly, "_our_ baby, just because it could kill _me_. No! I'm going to keep this baby, and I'm gonna go through hell and back delivering this baby, if it is the last thing I will do on this cruel world."

With these words, she angrily turned around, knocking over a chair on her way out of the office. She shut the door with a loud thud and Jane could hear her screaming at everybody who just happened to be there until she was far away.

He swallowed and took in a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He never knew he would ever have to say those words, especially when to apologize for Teresa's behavior because he never had to.

He got up and ran out of the office. When he was looking for Teresa, he saw a trail of destroyed chairs and upset patients so he simply followed that until he arrived at the parking lot – where he found her on the floor, weeping.

He gently helped her up and hugged her tightly to him.

"I'm so sorry, Teresa... I wish it didn't have to be like this-"

"I'm... I'm... still keeping the... baby, Patrick," she whispered in-between sobs. He ran a hand over her arm and made soothing sounds next to her ear.

He didn't want to argue now, not about this. He wanted to keep the baby, too. He wanted nothing else than have this baby with her, their baby. Start a beautiful family, live a happy life.

Yet he also didn't want to lose her. It had been his biggest fear for the past decade, and it had grown even worse when he had heard she had breast cancer. While she was being treated with the chemotherapy, he had felt much more confident about the fact she would survive. He had never thought an addition to their little family would cause her to be in so much danger.

"Fucking cancer," he murmured and held her closer while she sobbed louder. His heart broke with every sob that made her entire body almost spasm in his arms.

Jane looked up, and though he only saw the ceiling of the parking lot, he imagined He was still looking down on them. All he could ask was; 'why?'

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**A/N: You were definitely warned. Definitely. Can't blame you for crying though ^^ Let me know what you thought of this chapter in a REVIEW please!**


	7. Love is never planned

**A/N: First (and I think the last but I dunno) chapter in which I have a part out of Lisbon's POV. I just... like Jane's more, especially in this story and situation. Anyway, a brief look inside Lisbon's mind in this chapter! ^^**

**Aaaand I replied to all of you just before I posted this chapter, I know, I don't do it often but you guys were just so amazing that I had to thank you before it would get worse xD. And for the anon reviewers:**

**Guest:**** I can't guarantee she won't die but even she will, I'll make it less horrible, 'kay? I promise I won't try to make you cry then xD. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Guest:**** Yes, you should have paid attention to my warning because I'm genuinely serious about it most times, but it's fine, it's your loss anyway because you were the one crying :P. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Guest:**** Sorry for making you cry like a baby! But it still pleases me I managed to make you cry xD. Thanks for thinking this is an awesome idea and thanks for reviewing!**

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'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 7: Love is never planned**_

He watched her sitting in the windowsill, her hands folded on her belly. Her hair was slowly growing back due to her not receiving any chemotherapy any longer.

It satisfied him a bit to know he had been right along – she looked beautiful with short hair. It ended just beneath her ears and was cut in soft layers – since she had always had rather thick hair, layers would make it less thick.

Though he had to admit that he wouldn't mind if she let her hair grow back to its original length at all.

He ran a hand through his hair. Three months. Twelve weeks. For this long had their baby been growing in her belly. Teresa was already showing, which wasn't a surprise since she was small and tender. Her belly was much bigger than Angela's had been at three months, though. He once again blamed Teresa's fragile figure. If their baby would be too big for her simply because he was so much taller than her, then there would be no living with her after she had given birth.

In eight weeks, they would be able to know the gender – not that they wanted to know that, they wanted it to be a surprise. Secretly, he was hoping for a little boy, but he would never tell her he preferred one gender over the other.

He walked towards her and sat beside her, against the other wall in the windowsill.

He softly grabbed her hand, and brushed his thumb over the top of her hand. She had toed off her shoes and socks, just like he had done. She rubbed her naked feet against his. They enjoyed this kind of intimacy. He hadn't expected he would actually take pleasure out merely sitting like this, not talking, just a bit of contact by their hands and feet, but he did now. And he wouldn't have it any other way. Merely the simplicity of this small moment, of being this close but not in a sexual way, filled his heart with warmth and love.

"Was this how you had suspected your life to be when you went to the hospital that day?" Teresa whispered. He stopped his movements and turned his head to her. He had initially wanted to scoff at what she was saying, but he found she was serious.

"Reese... Teresa, I hadn't planned to fall in love with you either in the beginning. I hadn't planned anything when I came into the CBI, except for getting my revenge on Red John. You can never plan such beautiful things, Teresa, they just happen. I love you now, I loved you when I proposed to you, when we made love for the first time, but even before that already. I didn't plan that paper frog that made me slowly fall in love with you – Cho actually threw it to me, I didn't know what to do with it. I never planned to change my love from an obvious... "infatuation", to worshipping you from up close. Love is not planned, Teresa, it never is. Ours wasn't either. But it's here now. _We're_ here. Together." He paused, and in the time that he tried to come up with something to say, he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, knowing it made her shudder. "Just because you're ill, doesn't mean I don't love you, or that I consider the life we have now as miserable." He leaned over slightly and brushed her belly. "You're my beautiful fiancée. And you're pregnant. That's all I ever wished for."

He kissed her hand again. "I may not agree with your choice to refuse chemotherapy... but you are saving our baby that way. And I can only love you more for it."

He leaned his head back against the wall.

"You just have to know that I... don't want to lose you. You mean too much to me and... and I can't live without you. I just want you to know that, alright?"

She nodded but got distracted with another though that was bugging her mind.

"If I won't survive after our baby was born... what would you do?"

"I... I would make sure our baby was safe, and loved... and that he or she would know as much about you as possible. I would raise our child a Catholic, to honor your wishes." He read her face like a children's book, and right now, he did not see happiness for what he had said – he didn't see despair either, but it was a slight disappointment, as though she was expecting something else. "And I would only grieve for you in the privacy of my bed. I won't let it affect my entire life, even though I will forever miss you."

She closed her eyes. He lifted her hand again, brushing her fingers against his cheek briefly before he turned his head and kissed them, again and again. Then, he leaned in and gently pushed her up against the wall in the windowsill and linked their lips. He made her move her legs so that she was straddling his hips, and she sighed into his mouth. She ran her hands through his newly grown back curls and made him angle his head so they could deepen the kiss.

"I love you, Teresa," he breathed, and wrapped his arms tightly around her, crushing her against his chest. Her belly was a small but pleasant pressure against his abdomen. "No matter what'll happen, I'll love you."

She linked their lips again. Her hands went from his hair down his body to his abdomen, lifting his shirt to softly scratch his skin. He whimpered and pushed her hand away. She smiled softly against his lips and straightened, pushing her chest against him.

"Woman, not-"

"In the windowsill? Like we haven't done it here before."

"We haven't-"

"Your birthday," she said simply and kissed his neck. He chuckled, and brushed her back, softly.

"Okay, so that was one time-"

"Or that one time when it was raining really hard and you wanted to sit here and watch, but we didn't do much watching-"

He slipped his hand underneath her shirt, and any remaining words she might have said died on her tongue. She linked their lips again. He raised his hand to unclasp her bra...

...and that moment, they heard someone knocking on the window. They jumped apart.

Van Pelt was standing at the other side, blushing slightly at disturbing a moment like that. She waved, then pointed towards the door and walked to that same spot.

"It's always her," Teresa whispered with a faint smile as she moved out of his lap, rather reluctantly. He offered her a hand to help her put the floor beneath her feet but she just slapped it away and did it on her own.

She walked towards the door which gave him a quick moment to catch his breath and regain his posture after what they had almost been doing.

The boys showed up at the other side of the window too after the redhead had stepped away. Rigsby was smiling held up one thumb – if that wasn't the international men gesture for 'it looked good and you're lucky', he didn't know what was.

Jane smiled and nodded – ever since Rigsby and Van Pelt had gotten back together again, the young man seemed sex-crazed. Not that he and Teresa weren't from time to time... but they didn't show it the way Rigsby did, as they were both (relatively) private people when it came to their love life.

"The guys want to go out on a picnic and asked if we want to join them," Teresa called out from the hall-way. Jane sighed disappointedly – he'd much rather continue what they had been doing in the windowsill. But, going to the fields seemed like a good second option so he picked up his phone as well as hers and joined Teresa at the door.

"Obviously," Jane replied. He grabbed her hand and fetched the keys from the spot they kept them in – the keys of _their_ house.

It felt so good to have _their_ house. They had moved only two weeks before but he already felt at home – if she slept beside him, he was always home.

It was a small detached house, the outside giving it more the title 'cottage'. Designed as a family home, it had one big bedroom, two smaller but still rather spacious bedrooms and each room had its own bathroom. The kitchen was small, making it a joy to cook with her – ever now and then, she would have to reach out to grab something from the top cupboards and her body would brush against his, sending shivers and sparks all throughout his body.

He loved being in love. He'd almost forgotten how amazing it felt, which wasn't a surprise because it had been over fifteen years ago since he had last been in love, with Angela.

He smiled and rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand.

Their house. Where they would spend the rest of their life together and start their little family. He had waited for this for so long... and there was no way anyone was going to get this away from him now.

~...~

"It has changed him, you know," Van Pelt voiced as she and Lisbon sat on the grass, watching the boys play one of their stupid little games. Cho was the only serious participant, but could that man ever have fun without taking things too seriously?

Jane stopped for a few moments and looked at Lisbon. He produced a hand gesture that looked close to the one soldiers make when saluting someone and smiled his dazzling smile at her. Her heart fluttered and she knew she would have been pudding if she were standing.

He continued with the game, groaning loudly as Rigsby seemed to beat him.

"What has?" Lisbon questioned.

"You. Well, your illness, more like it. He is... happier. I know it sounds weird but you having cancer's made him happier and more carefree." She sighed softly. "Like he hasn't got a worry in the world."

Lisbon smiled faintly and watched her man.

It was true – all of this had changed him. He knew how important it was to appreciate the good things in life and not to dwell on the bad things too much.

He wasn't trying to forget about the sad things but he made sure to not let it rule his mind anymore. If there was one thing her man had learned from Red John, it was to live again. To really feel the happy moments in his bones, absorb them rather than let them pass without giving them a second of his attention.

"It's changed you too."

Lisbon eyed Van Pelt with a wary expression. The younger woman chuckled softly.

"Of course it changed me," Lisbon replied. "It's tearing me apart from the inside."

"Yes, but apart from that. It's made you happier, too. It helped you accept the things that happen but you can't control. Like you found peace with everything that's happened."

"I have," Lisbon sighed, "in a way. I mean, I'm afraid of dying, but I'm not as much as I used to be. Before Jane and I got together, I was afraid of dying alone. That everything I would have to face because of my illness would have to be all on my own. That was what I feared. Now... I have him. It makes everything a lot less frightening. I'm not alone anymore. I feel like I can face anything with him by my side. And... I know I'm loved. And if I die... it will most likely be after I gave birth to our baby... though on a side note, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be a twin, it would explain my too swollen belly... but anyway, our baby would be here and if I would die then, Patrick won't be alone. He'll have our child to take care of... and to love. My death will mean something since someone loves me now but I also know I won't leave emptiness behind. He won't be alone... and anyway, he has you guys as well."

She sighed and lowered herself onto the grass, until she could look at the sky without throwing her head back too much. One of her hand rested on her belly, the other reached around her subconsciously and pulled on the grass beside her.

She felt Van Pelt lie down beside her. They were silent for a while.

"I really think I'm having twins, by the way."

Van Pelt sniggered softly. "That would be amazing. But don't you think they would have seen the other on the ultrasound?"

"Yes, they should have. But I did some research into it... it won't be the first time a baby is overlooked. Especially not at this stage. Why else is my belly this big when it shouldn't be this big yet?"

"Just... circumstances?"

"No... I don't believe that."

She turned her head and looked at Van Pelt. The younger woman was just smiling brightly while supporting her head on her elbow.

"Well whatever happens, I'll be happy for you guys. You deserve it, more than anyone I've ever known. You deserve happiness."

They were silent for a long time again. By the time Lisbon was done with the silence, the grass around her had all been harvested and mashed up in her clothes. She got up with a small sigh and walked towards Jane. Van Pelt quickly followed her.

"When I was younger, I used to dance," she chided. She turned back towards Van Pelt. "Ballet. Used to pretend I could fly. My dad would lift me into the air and I would be his precious little bird."

The guys turned towards them as they saw them approaching. She looked at Van Pelt. "When my mum died, I crashed down. Hard."

Lisbon made Jane turn around and quickly linked their lips briefly. When she pulled away, she made him put his hands on her waist.

"Dance with me," she whispered. "Make me fly."

He frowned but he didn't question her at al. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her way up in the air. She put her hands on his shoulders first until she reached for the sky while smiling brightly. Her belly was pressed against his face making butterflies flutter in both their bellies.

He gently put her down when she spread her arms like wings and he kissed her forehead.

"I love you," she whispered against his face, brushing his cheek. She grabbed his hand and stepped away from him. He stopped her by pulling her back and she fell backwards into his arms. He hoisted her up and hugged her from behind.

"I love you too, my precious bird."

She turned around in his arms and kissed him again. She wouldn't ask how he knew that her father used to call her that before her mother had died – perhaps he had overheard her and Van Pelt talking. Perhaps he had just been rummaging through her stuff when she hadn't been looking. Probably the last one.

Right now though, it was just them (and the team who was looking at them with slight satisfaction) against the rest of the world.

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**A/N: Yeah I know, the ending is a bit too sappy but I was just feeling like it, after all the heart ache from past chapters and all... anyway, let me know what you thought, I can't wait to hear your opinions!**


	8. Good shot!

**A/N: So I'm speeding things along a little bit, I can't wait until you guys reach the actual hurting part of this story! Lol yes it gets worse, but like I said in the previous chapter; things can only get worse before they get better. So hang in there, have patience, and try to mentally prepare yourself for what's still to come!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly.**

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'_**Pink Ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 8: 'Good shot!'**_

_One and a half month later_

"So, Mrs. Jane-"

"Miss Lisbon for now," Teresa interjected. The young woman in front of her frowned, looked at him with a weird expression but then just nodded and carried on what she had been trying to tell them.

"How are you feeling, Miss Lisbon?" the woman asked. Jane quickly read her nametag – Rose. That was a nice name. He should store that away in case they might need a girls' name.

"Bit faint lately, but we're getting there, I can feel it."

Rose smiled brightly and nodded. She looked at Teresa's shirt. "Shall we?"

Teresa raised her shirt and Rose started doing what she was trained for – looking at their baby.

Teresa grabbed his hand as she observed Rose's work.

"See, there it is!" Rose almost shrieked. You would think with a job like this, she was used to it by now but he didn't get that vibe off her now. She pointed at the screen with a small sort of laser pen, while still handling the device on Teresa's swollen belly. "The head, look, small little fingers... onetwothreefour _five_," she said quickly while counting the fingers, "and the other hand, there."

While Rose continued talking, Jane bowed down and put his mouth next to Teresa's ear, so that when he spoke, she was the only one who could hear him.

"I bet she's been trying to get pregnant for ages now but couldn't succeed."

"Jane," Teresa pressed out, accompanied with a forceful smack on his arm. "Jane, don't."

He chuckled and kissed her temple. His hand intertwined with hers.

"Anyway, she'll find out about the missing baby," Jane whispered, "in five, four, three, two-"

"Oh my god," Rose breathed. Jane pulled away from Teresa and sat back in his chair. His free hand scratched the skin in his neck and he winked at Teresa.

He had known of Teresa's suspicions for a week or two now. She had admitted to telling Van Pelt first but he really didn't mind. He let her do whatever she wanted as long as it made her happy. Frankly, she had told him at just the right time. He didn't know why but it just was.

"What is wrong?" Jane asked with a fake worry in his voice. He merely smiled at his Teresa, who smiled brightly back.

"I... I'm so... I'm so sorry but I think I missed something here," Rose stammered. "I... there's another baby here whom I didn't see before..."

"So we're having twins?"

"Yes."

"'Kay," Teresa answered, simply. "Are they both alright?"

Both women turned their heads towards the screen and watched the vision of the machine change until they clearly saw two babies. Teresa smiled brightly, proudly, when she turned back towards him. Almost as if saying 'told you so' although she knew she didn't need to do that.

"Yeah, they look healthy. Everything's there, ten fingers, two legs, ten toes... you still don't want to hear the gender, do you?"

"Yes," they replied in unison. Rose nodded.

"Alright then. Well..." She still seemed in shock of what she had overlooked the previous times.

"Hey," Jane said, softly. Rose turned her head towards him. "It's okay. You learn from this. We don't mind, Rose, it only makes us happier."

Rose let out a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Congratulations," she whispered and smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

"Rose... your time will come too."

"Yes... yes, I know."

Rose finished what she had to do, writing some numbers down and checking some other things – all the while not losing her enthusiasm once – and then minutes later, Jane and Teresa stood outside.

She smiled up at him. Wait for it, wait for it...

"Told you so," she announced. He smiled brightly since she had reacted the way he thought she would, and nodded.

"Yes. Yes you did. And I never doubted you once." He grabbed her hand gently and lifted it to his lips, kissing the top of it softly, lovingly.

"We do need to do double shopping now, though," he interrupted the peaceful silence between them. She rolled her eyes but still nodded.

"Let's get started then, Perfect Shot."

He giggled at her very bad joke.

"That sounds like a very good idea, Mistress."

~...~

He walked through countless of aisles of baby clothes and pacifiers. It gave him a warm feeling inside, just thinking about them having two of these wonders within mere months.

There all sorts of clothes – from single dresses or in two-pack (size 'is a baby supposed to wear this?') to one-piece outfits and wearable blankets. He saw two shirts in a two-pack too, one blue and the other pink, some others both pink or both blue. His hand brushed every single one of them with a soft sigh of longing. He couldn't wait until he was able to hold their beautiful wonders!

He saw Teresa standing in front of a few clothes. He walked towards her, and now he was able to see what she was looking at.

"It says Charlotte," she whispered. She pointed at a small, light pink shirt with exactly that name printed on it. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Don't grow all sad on me now, Teresa," he whispered. She shook her head absentmindedly.

"I want to buy this," she whispered as well.

"Why?"

"Because... because she will always be your first child. She means a lot to you, you love her... and therefore, she means a lot to me, too."

"But Teresa-"

"No, Jane. We'll buy this one and give it a nice place in the nursery. That way, your daughter will always be watching over our children."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and briefly closed his eyes to get his thoughts sorted out.

He had always tried to keep Angela and Charlotte out of his and Teresa's relationship. It were two different things, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone to be considered the same or belonging to each other. Even he had been different with Angela than he was now with Teresa.

Yet now, Teresa included his past in their future herself. Why?

"Without them," she started, "you wouldn't have been the man you are now. You were once theirs... like you're mine now. I know you want to keep us separated, or at least the memories, but you only did it because you feared I wouldn't accept them in my life. But I do, Patrick. Because in all these years... I started to grow fond of them too. Like I know them, even though I don't."

"They would have loved you," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head briefly. "Especially Charlotte. She would've pulled on your arm until you'd comply and let her braid your hair."  
Teresa smiled softly.

"What about Angela?" he asked carefully. He kissed the top of her head again.

"She would've gotten a divorce." Before she could gasp, he continued. "She would have gotten a divorce because she knew I would be better off with you. Angela and I... I loved her, and I still do. But... it wasn't much romantic love. Well, it used to be but after the honeymoon-phase passed... we kept arguing and fighting and it was all because of me, but... I wasn't in love with her anymore. I loved her for being my daughter's mother, for running away with me, but not for being my wife. Eventually, she was just my best friend but nothing more."

"But..."

"She knew this as well as I did – I don't even know if she had ever been in love with me. But we appreciated the life we had together, it was better than the alternative by far. And we had Charlotte. No matter how much we both wanted to move on and start a new life, we couldn't put our little girl through that. She deserved parents who loved her and a normal life, not a repeat of our lives. I'd always vowed to give my children a better childhood than I ever had... but I don't think this was any better."

She squeezed his hand.

"I'm sure she still loved you," she whispered.

"Of course, all children love their parents if they at least are present in their lives. It's natural. It doesn't say anything about the ability of these parents to raise their children. For all we know, Charlotte could have been messed up when she would grow up, by my doing."  
"Don't talk like that," she interrupted him firmly. She looked around. "Why don't we take this somewhere more private?"

He let her lead him like a true mother duck, and they ended up in a fitting room.

He definitely needed to brush up her vocabulary because since when was a fitting room the definition of 'private'?

Although... she closed the door and her body ended up pressed against his.

Never mind, he liked her definition.

"Patrick, I may not have seen much of you as a parent, but I've seen you interacting with children. Whatever it is, bad with children definitely isn't it. You'll be a wonderful father. I know that Charlotte loved you – don't ask me how I know, I just do."

She grabbed hold of one of his hands and put it on her swollen belly.

"You'll be the best daddy our children can ever dream of."

He brushed her cheek with his free hand. Just when he was about to kiss her luscious lips, they heard a voice calling them.

"No sex in the fitting rooms!"  
Teresa stared at him, then buried her face in the crook of his neck which muffled her giggles.

He pushed the door open and looked at the furious employee.

"I'll call the police!"

"Wait," Jane protested. "We weren't having sex in here." If only. "We were just talking."

"Couldn't you talk outside a fitting room?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Meh... it was private."

"Then go to the parking lot and discuss it there."

"That's not the same, though. Look, you don't understand. She's pregnant _and_ a cancer patient so she needs her space from time to time, alright? I know this looks weird but we weren't doing anything aside from talking." He huffed. "Trust me, you would've noticed if we were actually making love in here."

"Jane-"

"We were going to buy things," Jane randomly stated. "Look at this belly. It's big, isn't it, for five months? There are two in there. We need all the baby stuff but then twice as much. Would you really send us away if we're gonna spend that kind of money? Because we have that kind of money."

The man seemed to weigh the situation, with a similar expression Teresa always sported when she doubted between giving Jane permission to do what he wanted or kicking his ass out of her office, then sighed and nodded.

"Fine. But don't let me see this again."

Jane nodded, seriously. As the employee walked away, Jane smiled at his Teresa. She didn't look amused. He frowned but shrugged, his way of saying 'I'm sorry but I can't change who I am' and walked away too, back to the aisle where they had seen the shirt with Charlotte's name on it.

He didn't know how, but she had managed to turn something sad and full of sorrow into something beautiful. The thought of his Charlie looking over his twins made his insides quiver with love and adoration. Teresa knew exactly what he wanted – that was exactly the reason he loved her so very much.

"Okay, let's get that shirt. Now we'll have to look for more stuff."

"Stuff," she repeated dryly. He smiled at her.

"Yes. Baby stuff." He rubbed his hands together. "Alright, m'lady. You get to pick everything."

"Even the baby wagon?"

"Yup, even the baby wagon."

Her face was the perfect representation of a child on Christmas morning. This was what made it all worthwhile.

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**A/N: That last sentence though! Oh my gawd I actually had to get help from my dearies on Tumblr with that sentence because seriously, I kept messing it up. Eventually, it was Shena who gave me the correct order of the words so thanks, Shena, kudos!**

**Anyway, this was just a little bit of a fluffy chapter... next one will be tough but it will also be the one you're all waiting for, I suppose. Can't wait to upload it but I'll wait a few days to leave you all in terrible agony! ^^ Let me know, though, what you thought in a REVIEW! Thanks for reading this chapter!**


	9. The white tuxedo

**A/N: At first I was disappointed when I saw that I only have four reviews for the previous chapter but then I realized I must have killed you with all the fluff I threw your way so that explains it. Now, it's crucial you come back from the dead and read this chapter because this is the chapter where shit gets serious. Brace yourselves, friends!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 9: The white tuxedo**_

He sighed softly as he looked at himself in the mirror. Really, he had no idea why it was so important for him to have a white tux. He looked way better in his three-piece-suits, and wasn't that the whole point in this? Why was his Teresa allowed to look her best but he wasn't?

Okay, he knew why, her being the bride and all... it still wasn't fair. He softly chuckled to himself. Yes, he was truly the woman in their relationship and she was the man. Then again, that was exactly what made their relationship work.

"Looks good," Rigsby said. Jane turned around towards the two men sitting on the cream-colored couch in the middle of the classy room.

"But you're not my best man so I won't listen to you."

Cho averted his eyes but Jane saw he was trying to suppress a smile. Rigsby's jaw dropped and he was ready to get up – a brisk movement of Cho's arm stopped him.

"Don't go; he's just playing you."

Jane shrugged and turned back towards the mirror. He straightened the collar of his shirt and messed around with the jacket a bit.

"You asked for my opinion when you invited me, so you're getting it."

"I know," Jane acknowledged. "Thanks."

He looked at his reflection again. He wondered what Teresa was doing now. He didn't know if she had a fitting today for her dress. It would be weird, considering she was heavily pregnant now and they wouldn't get married before she had given birth. In any case, Grace had been in their home right before he had left them – she was dropped off by Rigsby, surprise – so she and Teresa had plans.

"Is the dress code seriously white, though?" Rigsby asked. Jane nodded.

"Yup. Teresa's request. Although I don't think it's only her idea, her Maid of Honor probably had something to do with it as well."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

Jane smiled. He was glad Teresa and Grace were this close. They had always been but ever since Red John had been defeated, the two were inseparable. A lot of things they did together – they even went to Benjamin's doctor together (coming back all laughing since the doctor had been completely flabbergasted at two women suddenly visiting her with a boy who had previously visited with a man and a woman).

This team only got stronger with the day.

They suddenly heard two voices coming from the hallway, and if the way Rigsby and Jane's hearts both drastically started beating faster could be of any indication, they both knew who were there.

The door opened and the first person to enter the room was Grace – followed by his woman.

Her expression changed just as dramatically as his, as though having legs of pudding was suddenly contagious. She looked at him from his head to his toes and back, a small, gentle smile gracing her lips. She put a hand on the small of her back and slowly walked towards her – her other hand rested on her belly. The belly that was getting way out of hand. She was pregnant for almost eight months now and she still had a month to go but it already looked as though she was going to explode any given time. It looked great on her, that wasn't the point, but Jane had come to the conclusion that this most certainly could not be healthy.

And neither was her stamina the past few weeks. The bigger her belly grew, the paler she got and the more she panted with a lot of exertion. She was getting weaker and some moments, she would just not smile. It were moments where she probably assumed he wasn't looking, but he saw it anyway. He had always seen the true side of her.

This was exactly what her doctor had warned her about – not getting chemotherapy would mean big threats for her health, possibly even her life. The cancer had retreated a bit in the early stages of her pregnancy but now that she was getting closer and closer to the actual delivery of their wonders, it saw its chance and fought her body again. It made his fear return with a painful blow.

"Hey there, Handsome," she said with the same gentle smile still gracing her lips. "What's a gorgeous man like you doing here, all alone?"

He frowned at her, his interest peaked. It looked almost as though she was flirting with him. What was she getting at? Whatever game she was playing, he was definitely interested.

"Nah. Got some friends over there," he answered while pointing at the guys sitting on the couch.

"What about a lady friend?" she asked. He raised an eyebrow. _If you would look into my eyes, you would see my lady friend, my love._

He shrugged. "None, at the moment. Why? Interested?"

She straightened and rubbed her belly with both hands now.

"You think I got this thing with some magic, Pal?"

"I was hoping, yeah."

Now, _she_ was surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well... I hope this baby's daddy did a great job at pleasing its mummy. If... you know what I mean."

She blushed but did a good job at covering it up, he had to give her that.

"Yeah, he did. These babies', actually."

"Two?" he asked, feigning surprise.

"Yeah."

"Congrats."

"Thanks."

"Okay, _what are you doing?_" Grace interrupted. He and Teresa turned towards her. He almost giggled, he wasn't sure what the sound that escaped his mouth actually was but it sounded close to a giggle.

"Oh, just having fun until you interrupted," Jane stated, casually. Grace glared at him but turned towards Rigsby. Teresa smiled at him again. She went on tip-toes while leaning against him – she had to otherwise she would trip – and kissed his soft lips.

"Doesn't it bring bad luck if the bride sees the groom in his suit before the actual wedding?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's the other way around, idiot."

He faked his surprise again. "Really?" He paused. "I didn't know. That's... really?"

She smacked his chest while laughing. "Stop it."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him – well, her belly, that is, since it prevented basically any form of close contact at any given moment.

"How are you?"

"Nothing much has changed since the last time you called me, hmm, let's see, ten minutes ago?"

"I dunno, something could be wrong. You never know."

"I know... I'm fine, Patrick, really. Now," she said, stepping away from him again, "let me have a better look at you."

He made a show of posing and showing off his good features for her.

Yet when he turned back to her with a big smile, he saw she was looking pale, paler than she had looked over the past few days, minutes even.

"Teresa?"

She looked at him, her eyes not focusing on his and the ground underneath his feet fell apart. Her eyes fluttered shut and she collapsed to the floor, and he was just in time to catch her and put her on the cold tiles gently.

All these months, he knew this moment would come. He hadn't wanted it to happen, of course, who did? But things had gone so well in the better part of her pregnancy that he had actually sometimes forgotten about her illness.

His brain went into overload, thinking of what his best move would be now. The team was standing there in shock, staring at them. Eventually, he shrugged off his jacket, throwing it somewhere but he didn't care and put his arms underneath Teresa's frame, lifting her into the air and out of the room. The guys followed as well as Grace, but none of them asked him any questions. They just went along with what he was doing. For some reason, he was feeling very calm – the emotional rollercoaster would probably start when he didn't have control over the situation any longer.

By the time they arrived at the hospital, he noticed he was crying. Dried up tears were already situated on his chin so he had been crying for a while now. People instantly flew across the hallway to assist him and without discussing anything with him, they took her away from him.

Fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks, accompanying his crying heart. He stared at the door for what felt like an eternity until Grace led him to a chair and made him sit down. She poured him a glass of water and sat beside him, reassuring him.

Nothing could be done to make him feel more at ease. His Teresa was out there somewhere, all alone, and he had no idea what they were doing to and with her right now. He had to go see her, look for her, she needed him-

"It's going to be fine, Jane, I promise," Grace whispered close to his ear. He heard the tears in her voice and turned to look at her. She nodded, as though to answer his silent question and a small tear escaped her eye too. "I know."

Half an hour later, a doctor arrived with a clipboard underneath his arm. It was a doctor Jane had never seen in this hospital before, but then again, when he and Teresa had gone to the hospital, it had been to the oncology and gynecology wards.

"Family for Teresa Lisbon?"

Jane jumped up. The doctor looked him straight in the eye. Neither of them said anything, and as though the doctor had been able to see who Teresa's children's dad was by looking at the amount of tears on their faces, motioned for Jane to come with him. When the doors to the waiting room closed behind them, the doctor started explaining while they continued their way through endless hallways past sobbing people and screaming children.

"We are aware Teresa had been warned of the dangers of continuing her pregnancy, but she still kept the baby. Well, babies."

Jane nodded.

"Good. Well, she hasn't received any treatment for her cancer in the past few months which has made it worse. I'm sure you've noticed but the lump in her breast has grown horrible since the last time and I'm afraid this had only been a small preview to what was going on inside her body. From what we've seen, the cancer has almost reached her lungs and heart. It's advancing drastically, her hormones making it even worse. At this stage, I have no choice but to bring your children to the world now." The doctor read Jane's fear with no trouble at all and quickly continued. "From what we've seen, your children are perfectly healthy and they can survive outside the womb. But as I said, at this stage, we have to ensure Teresa's safety, even if it's against all of her wishes."

"How is she now?" Jane asked. The doctor sighed, then reluctantly explained more.

"She's unconscious, and we better keep it that way. We'll get the babies with a C-section, give her a few hours to rest and then continue with her treatments."

"But... what about breastfeeding?"

"She can still do that but..." The doctor hesitated again. Not a good sign.

"But what?" Jane was getting impatient, he needed to see her.

"But we'll have to remove her left breast."

Oh, to hell with it. He had feared this for so long but now it seemed like removing her breast still wasn't enough.

"Yes, do it, anything to save her."

"It means that she can't breastfeed both of them at the same time and she'll have to take it very easy."

"Yeah, sure, I realize that. We'll find a way to make it work. Now do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Do it!"

The doctor hurried away and Jane was left all on his own in the hallways – knowing that somewhere, his Teresa was alone too. He couldn't go back to the team, mostly because he had to find Teresa but also because he didn't remember the way back anymore. He had been so occupied with catching up with the doctor that he hadn't paid any attention to their surroundings.

Deciding he had nothing to lose, he went looking for the love of his life, determined to support her when no one else did. Eventually, he found her, after peering into countless of rooms with tears in his eyes.

She was lying in a room full of nurses and doctors all rushing to get their work done. Some heads turned towards him as he entered the room but most people didn't even notice him coming in.

"What are you doing here? You're not allowed to be here!" a nurse shrieked. He didn't pay attention but walked to the bed Teresa was in – her eyes closed, so she was indeed unconscious. They had already hooked her up to tubes and monitors, fluids being pumped into her body without his consent.

He brushed her cheek and shuddered when he felt her cold skin. It almost looked as though she was... he shook his head.

"Teresa," he whispered. "My dear Teresa."

"Excuse me, but who are you?" He turned towards the nurse who was trying to get his attention. "We need you to get out of here, Sir-"

"When will she have a C-section?"

"In a few minutes, they're preparing her now."

He looked down at Teresa again. He bowed down and kissed her lips, softly.

"Sir!"

"I want to be there."

"You can't-"

"I'm the father. I want to be there when she gives birth to our children."

The nurse was shocked to say the least and stared at him. Then, he read in her eyes that she pitied him and she sighed.

"I have to ask for permission first."

He nodded and watched her walk away. She returned within mere seconds with a doctor close behind her.

"You must be Mr. Jane," he said and shook Jane's hand. "It said in Teresa's file to beware of you but I never understood why. Guess I found out now."

"Will she survive?" Jane asked, grabbing hold of Teresa's small hand.

"Giving birth? Most certainly. But we're not sure about the cancer. You've been informed, you know about our suspicions and our plans."

Jane nodded.

The doctor raised his arm and looked at the watch around his wrist. His eyes crossed with Jane's and nodded. "It's time."

~...~

"Mr. Jane."

He kissed her cheek, over and over again, tears streaming down his face. Over the sound of shrill crying, he heard her heart beating on the monitor. The best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. It was better than hearing her voice after he'd heard the gunshot that had killed Red John, far better than hearing her in the throes of passion. Far better than any sound he had ever heard before.

She was still alive. And still unconscious. She hadn't experienced one minute of the birth of their babies. She would most likely wake up days later with her belly empty once again and one of her breasts removed.

"Mr. Jane," the voice said again, this time softer. He brushed his fingers over Teresa's soft lips and nodded for the voice to continue.

"Do you want to cut the cord?"

"No, I'm staying here."

And then, the voice was gone again.

"I'm so sorry, Teresa..." he whispered close to her ear. If he hadn't gotten her pregnant, she would have continued her treatment and she wouldn't be in such danger.

All around them, doctors were rushing around and doing stuff he didn't see the relevance in, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around, first angry at them trying to intrude this moment but the words died on his tongue as he saw what they had tried to get his attention for.

"They're waiting for you," the nurse whispered, and she handed him one tiny ball of blankets and rosy skin. They waited until he was holding the baby properly before handing him the other. The nurses smiled gently at him and then left.

He looked down at the by now sleeping babies. And he cried for he wanted Teresa to be conscious, to experience this moment with him, to hold their offspring, their beautiful children.

"Mr. Jane, we'll bring Teresa to a room now so she can rest. It's best if you watch over your babies for the time being, somewhere more peaceful."

"But I can't leave Teresa alone-"

"It's not going to be of any use if your babies keep crying while she needs to rest. You'll get to visit her, I promise."

And just like that, with a nurse by his side, he was escorted out of the operating-room, still holding their babies.

* * *

**A/N: So, you're dead again? Anyway, please stick around long enough to let me know what you thought! (And for the people wondering why I'm not having Lisbon remove her breast; all in good time. Don't worry about it!)**


	10. Good riddance

**A/N: So, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 10: 'Good riddance'**_

When he strolled into the waiting room where he had left the guys, he felt disorientated and tears were still streaming down his cheeks. He felt as though the reason for his entire existence had been torn away from him, burnt to ashes behind him but all he was allowed to do was walk forward and never once look back.

His Teresa was alone once again.

Grace jumped up at the sight of him and gasped when she saw his arms.

"Oh my god," she breathed. She walked over to him and tried to read his face. "Is she okay?"

He couldn't say anything. He squeezed his hands softly, making the babies in his arms squirm a bit.

"Pink and blue... boy and girl?" Grace asked, softly. He heard her voice was trembling just as much as his would be if he spoke now.

He looked down. Well, would you look at that, he hadn't even noticed.

"I... I..."

For God's sake, he was still wearing the white tuxedo he was trying on for their wedding! And now... what was he doing now, where were they? Where was his Teresa? What if she woke up and she would be all alone and scared and confused-

"Are _you_ okay?" Grace asked. She led him to a chair and took one of the babies from him. Now was not the time to tell her she was their godmother, but she was already acting as one without knowing.

"I..." He looked down at his arms – apparently, he was holding his newborn son. Right now, he wished the little boy wasn't there, had never been created. If he and his sister hadn't been here, Teresa would've continued her treatment and the cancer wouldn't have advanced so horribly. She wouldn't be in danger, and he would have her with him...

"No," he whispered. "Where's Teresa?"

"I don't know, Jane. I wish I did, I would bring you to her without thinking about it."

They were silent and he faintly noticed Rigsby and Cho sitting down opposite them. The silence lasted for a long, long time which was mostly spent with looking at the sleeping babies or whispering things towards each other. Jane remained silent.

While holding his son in one arm, he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket – why, he didn't know. As soon as he flipped it open, he found he had one missed call from Teresa and a voicemail message. He pressed play and put it against his ear.

"_Hey there, Handsome! You're not picking up your phone so I'm assuming you're having a nice time with the boys. Don't be too hard on them, though, they're only trying to help you. Grace and I are going shopping, apparently I need more clothes because our brats just won't stop growing. We'll drop by, though. I love you, Patrick."_

"They're beautiful, Patrick," Grace whispered eventually, probably deciding this moment allowed for a first-name-basis.

"Really?" he asked. He was regaining the strength of his voice, and he doubted whether that was a good thing for the guys or a bad one. "Because right now, I'd rather see their beautiful mother than them."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that, Patrick."

He sighed and got up.

"Where are you going?" Grace asked. He pushed the little boy in his arms closer to him, even though he hadn't wanted to at first.

"My children need to see their mummy."

~...~

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Grace whispered.

Jane had to admit that it looked rather funny, them both carrying a baby and trying to sneak into Intensive Care. If he hadn't been so keen on seeing Teresa, he would've made fun of Grace. Now wasn't the time.

"Do you recognize any of these rooms?"

"No."

She groaned and started walking a little faster. Why was he doing this? It wouldn't just be him if trouble showed itself – it was Grace too. And he really didn't think it was remotely fair to get her into trouble – she was only trying to help.

"Excuse me; have you seen a short woman with dark hair here somewhere? She's probably unconscious."

The woman in front of them stared at Grace, tears in her eyes. She wasn't a nurse but a person in the same position as he was. She looked at the babies in their arms – he saw she put two and two together and she nodded.  
"I think she's in there. The doctors just left her, they didn't look happy."

Grace nodded and went towards the direction the woman had pointed at.

"If I'd asked a nurse they would've let the doctors know and we would be standing back in the waiting room within seconds," was all Grace whispered as explanation. He was glad she was with her right mind because he would've asked a nurse.

They arrived at a door and paused.

"Are you sure you want to see her?"

"Absolutely."

She nodded and opened the door. As soon as he stepped inside, the small boy in his arms started squirming, as though he felt his mother was close. Jane felt tears burning in his eyes when he saw her in the big hospital bed.

She looked even worse than when he had left her, her skin awfully pale. He walked towards her and blinked, tears streaming down his cheeks by now.

What had they done to her?

He adjusted his son in his arms and put him on Teresa's chest. The boy sighed contently and continued sleeping, his hands clenching into fists near her breasts. Jane reached out and felt her breasts too, gently – both were still there. Why did it feel like they should both be gone, like they didn't have the right to be part of Teresa's beautiful body any longer? They were killing her and he had long ago vowed to destroy everything and everyone that tried to harm her.

Her eyes fluttered and he tensed up. Oh my god, was she waking up? He saw she was trying to move but she couldn't due to the little baby sleeping on her chest.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped, as if waking from a bad dream. But they were still inside one, a nightmare, and had been for months now. Only the fact that she was pregnant made it all more bearable, made them momentarily forget about their nightmare... but now, it all came chasing them with even more vigor. He feared this would never end.

"Wha..." She couldn't say more and turned her head. Their eyes crossed.

"Hey," he said, softly. He grabbed her hand and brushed it softly, reassuring her.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice nothing more than a whiff of breath leaving her body.

Yeah, what had happened? He still hadn't been able to look back at it and really register what had gone wrong.

"Back in the shop, you went pale and fainted. With your pregnancy, we didn't want to risk anything. We... brought you to the hospital and they came to the conclusion that the cancer had severely advanced and that it was most important to make sure everybody survived this so they brought the twin to the world with a C-section. They're now waiting a few hours before removing your left breast."

Her hand immediately reached out to brush her chest but instead of feeling her breasts, she noticed the boy.

She stared at him with a look he had seen many times before when they had talked about their babies. Yet this one was laced with just a hint of confusion, which he understood.

"That's our son," he whispered. "He wanted to see you."

She closed her eyes. "Don't tell me you're in trouble," she breathed, now with a hint of anger in her eyes. There were so many different hints that had crossed her eyes that it almost made him laugh.

"I would do anything for us, Teresa; you should know that by now. I needed to see you and so did our children." He took in a shuddering breath – he was on the edge of a breakdown, he could feel it.

Fair enough, when he spoke he couldn't stop his tears anymore. "They haven't felt you before now, or seen you. When they were born, they were basically torn away from you and only I could see them. You were... you... the moment after a baby is born is important – they always put the baby on the mother's chest so they can start building their strong connection and love but you were unconscious so the doctors didn't see the need..." He lowered his head and put it in his hands. "I failed you, I failed our family. I should've... done more..."

"Patrick?"

He looked up to see her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Shut up," she whispered. He smiled through his tears. That moment, she noticed Grace standing in the room as well.

"Hey," Teresa whispered. Grace walked towards the bed and Jane saw she was crying too.

"H-hey."

She placed the little girl in Teresa's arms and stepped away slowly.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. She left the room in a rush. Jane smiled softly and shook his head. Well, he couldn't blame Grace for being this emotional – after all, he himself was feeling ever so emotional too, and he hardly ever did. And even if he did, he wouldn't go as far as to cry. Except for now, that is.

Jane looked at Teresa again. She was looking down at the babies in her arms and he saw a small smile gracing her lips. It was as though she was already feeling much better now that she could hold her children. Like she wasn't on the brink of death.

"They're so beautiful," she whispered. She smiled up at him. He stood and slowly lay down beside her. In that moment, he saw their true beauty, as though this was the first time he saw them, and he broke down, burying his face in the crook of Teresa's neck and crying his sorrow against her skin there.

"Oh Patrick," she whispered. She kissed the top of his head.

Their roles were reversed now – where in the beginning of this horrible rollercoaster, Teresa had been the one crying in his arms, now it was him crying in her arms. She had cried long before and had now accepted it, in a way. He still hadn't.

To make things worse, the twin started crying too. He heard Teresa groan quietly and felt her stir a bit.

"I think they're hungry," she murmured. He looked up, tears dripping from his chin. Their daughter was groping for Teresa's breast, repeatedly. He giggled while tears were still streaming down his cheeks.

"You gotta help me with this," she whispered. He sat up and helped her adjust the babies so both were lined up perfectly. While Teresa tried to sit up, though, she kept wincing. He felt her lower abdomen and closed his eyes. Those scars would last a little while, if not forever. Then again, everybody would be shown that Teresa gave birth to two beautiful children so it wasn't something completely bad.

He didn't comment on it and neither did she – she didn't have time to do so anyway since she was too busy being the perfect mother to their children.

Though she was still visibly weak and her voice was small, she naturally went into Mummy-mode and cooed softly at them. He helped her lower both sleeves of her dress (thank God it was one made out of a stretchy fabric instead of the usual one) until there was enough room for the babies to latch on to her nipples.

As soon as they were contently suckling, she looked up at him.

"It kind of... hurts. My left breast." She paused shortly. "When will they remove it?"

He brushed her cheek, then wiped his own face to get rid of his tears.

"I don't know," he replied. He scooted up the bed until he lay face to face with her.

"I love you, Teresa. I didn't say it before, in the shop, because I was distracted by your beauty, and your perfection. But... I love you. And we have a perfect family now... I love you so much."

"I know," she breathed. "You don't have to tell me, I already know."

He linked their lips and felt butterflies dancing in his stomach. They were silent the entire time the babies were drinking, sometimes linking their lips but mostly just looking into each other's eyes.

They heard a soft sigh and looked down. They found one of the twin looked up at them.

Jane smiled softly and locked eyes with Teresa. He wanted to cherish this moment forever and keep it going for as long as he wanted to.

Suddenly, he realized something.

"I didn't want to name them before you'd seen them."

Her eyes filled with small tears but they never fell.

"So, what do you think then, Daddy Cool?" she asked, teasing him gently. They had talked about this for so many times before but she had always tried to avoid the subject. She had assumed she would be carrying them for over one more month until she would be giving birth to them. The situation they found themselves in now had not been an option at all.

She looked down at their babies and sighed softly.

"I want her to have Charlotte as middle name. And... what about Zooey? Z-o-o-e-y?"

He brushed the little girl's back. "Zooey Charlotte Lisbon. That sounds-"

"Jane," she interrupted. He smiled.

"Right. Zooey Charlotte Jane. Beautiful, just like the owner."

"And... Patrick Daniel?"

Wait a minute... "But that's my name, too."

"I know. He's just as beautiful as his daddy."

Patrick Daniel... Patrick Daniel Jane Jr. "That's a mouthful of words," he joked. "Sounds... kind of posh." He continued speaking as though he was in fact a rich person. "'Hello, I'm Patrick Daniel Jane, Jr. How very pleasant to meet you, kind sir.'"

She rolled her eyes but chuckled all the same.

He had never thought about that before, though. He didn't know what he thought about that, to be honest. He always thought that it was a way for arrogant men to get their son to behave exactly like then since that was the right behavior according to them – as though they wanted to shape their son from the moment he was born. Did he really want to be like them?

"It's okay, we can pick another name-"

"No. No need. It's just... going to take a getting used to, is all. And it'll be strange to hear you call two people Patrick."

"I say your Patrick in a different way than his Patrick."

He saw a small blush creeping up on her cheeks, making him chuckle.

"Right."

"Shut up," she whispered while her blush intensified. He smiled and kissed her lips softly. He didn't know how much time had passed but the babies in her arms were getting restless so he took that as a sign that they were fed enough.

"Right, Zooey and Patrick," Jane started, "you need to be properly burped. Teresa, don't move, I'll get a napkin or something as a bib."

He briefly kissed her lips and rushed off the bed. He returned within seconds and put one over her shoulder.

"You take one, I take the other?"

She nodded, smiling. He put a napkin over his own shoulder and picked up one baby.

"Hey, Darling," he whispered. Judging by the pink blankets wrapped tightly around the baby, he was holding Zooey.

He put her against his shoulder and started bouncing her gently. He saw Teresa patting Patrick's back and he smiled at how natural it looked on her, like she'd never done anything else. After all, he had experience with this – she didn't.

"Do you want me to be there when you get surgery?" he asked. He was aware he was breaking their peaceful moment but he also knew that it could be over any minute now. She shook her head.

"Just stay with Zooey and Patrick. I'll survive, I promise."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "They need you more than I do. And you need them, too. Oh, and keep an eye on Grace, she didn't look okay when she left."

Jane nodded. "I love you, Teresa."

"I love you, too, Patrick."

"I'll think of you."

"You better," she whispered with a grin. They heard a soft burp and she looked down.

"There's a good boy," she whispered and kissed the crown of his head. Zooey followed and Jane knew it was time to leave. If it were just the two of them, he would've stayed until they would have to drag him out after they had sedated him – now, he had to think about the twin too. And right now, it was better if they slept, and the same applied to their mother.

He adjusted Zooey in his arms and bowed to take Patrick from Teresa. As soon as he stood, he saw Teresa giggling softly.

He smiled too. "What's so funny?"

"I just thought about... things. You're both Patrick in my head right now, so I was going through nicknames for Junior and then I came up with Patty... but that makes him sound like a burger."

She giggled again. "A Krabby Patty, like in that TV show with the sponge?"

He smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. He was pretty sure she would get to know the name of that show within now and about six years. And she would grow to hate it with her guts just because of the annoying laugh – just like he had done when Charlotte had begged for Angela to put the TV on that channel.

"We'll just call him Junior... and when he comes home with a girl- or boyfriend, we'll tell him that his mother thought of him as Krabby Patty when he was just a baby. It'll embarrass him to no end."

She smiled and her eyes sparkled alongside her big grin.

"Sounds like a deal," she replied.

Zooey let out a soft cry and she squirmed.

"Oops, I think our little princess needs her beauty sleep."

She nodded. He hesitated now.

"I love you," he whispered again. For good measure, he did it again and after that one, he did it again.

"Leave," she whispered. She put a hand on his arm and pushed slightly. "It'll only be harder the longer you wait."

That sounded like an eerily accurate description of his feelings towards her for the past decade – he had always told himself to stay away from her but he also told himself he couldn't leave her, not yet. He continued doing that until it was too late and he had fallen helplessly in love with her, with no way of leaving her any more.

"I don't want to leave," he whispered, almost whimpering. What if this was the last time he could ever talk to her?

"I know, but you have to. We'll see each other afterwards."

"But what if-"

"Don't talk like that. I'll be fine."

He couldn't kiss her lips again because that would make leaving even harder.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

He left the room feeling better than when he entered, but it still wasn't good enough to feel reassured.

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**A/N: Let me know what you thought, please!**


	11. Sweet dreams are made of this

**A/N: Guess who I'm bringing from the valley of 'oh man we forgot about them'? Not going to spoil it but if you know me a bit, I think you've already guessed it ^^ I think I can't even say the first letter of his/her name because that will spoil everything xD. At least it's a nice person, imo.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

'_**Pink ribbons'**_

_**Chapter 11: Sweet dreams are made of this**_

He walked into the hallway and sighed. Well, he was basically back to where he had started – with two (unfortunately) not-sleeping babies and no Teresa.

He walked up to the first nurse he could find.

"Excuse me, I only went out for a little stroll but I think we're lost now." He looked down at the babies who were getting restless.

The nurse smiled politely and led the way. As soon as he caught a glimpse of the maternity ward, he thanked the nurse and took in a deep breath.

There goes nothing.

The nurse who had accompanied him to the waiting room stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed, and an equally agitated doctor was standing behind her.

Apparently though, Jane's face showed that he had been crying minutes before and their expressions softened immediately.

"I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I wanted Teresa to see our beautiful children before she got surgery."

The nurse looked at the doctor over her shoulder, the latter pressing his lips into a firm line. No doubt they were both weighing the situation inside their heads.

The doctor eventually sighed, nodded and left – the nurse rushed to get two plastic cribs ready for the twin.

Jane considered the situation lucky since they didn't need any special care after their birth. He had done some research into births of twins and he had read that in most cases, twins would be too young still when they were born, and/or too small, causing them to require special care, like one of those warmth boxes that represented the comfortably warm mother's womb. These beauties were still small, but apparently they were big enough – or perhaps they were just really strong. With Teresa Lisbon as their mother, he didn't think it was unlikely that they would be both short as well as strong, physically and mentally. Yes, they were small, smaller than Charlotte had been. But then again, when Charlotte had been born, she had been carried full-term and had been a 'single' baby – he had no experience with not-full term babies _and_ twins.

The nurse took Zooey from him and put her in a crib – she put Junior in the one next to Zooey's.

"Did you name them yet?" she asked. He was momentarily distracted as he looked at the twins who both slowly drifted into a full, peaceful sleep. He nodded, absentmindedly.

She handed him two clipboards and when he looked up at her, she smiled.

"So that we can write down any little thing they experience here. How they're doing, what they're doing, which people came to say hello to them."

He returned her smile and took the clipboards from her – he felt such a proud dad to write down their names, reaching into his memory palace to remember how he had to spell Zooey's name. Hmm, interesting. He hadn't seen a spelling of that name quite like that one before. He had a whole bunch of things to get used to as of today.

When he was done, the nurse smiled even brighter and put the clipboards at the foot ends of the cribs with the right name for the right baby.

He was already starting to recognize small differences between them, if not looking at the blankets they were wrapped in, obviously. The nurse apparently knew about this, had experienced it before and looked at him.

"Put it with the right kiddies?" she asked, almost teasingly. He nodded.

"Alright then," she sighed. "You can stay here until one of us will lead you outside. Believe it or not, there are visiting hours for the maternity ward too. Just imagine entire families walking in here and disturbing the babies' sleep? Tsk-tsk, nope. Just you wait, this entire ward will be screaming." She sounded like she'd experienced even that before. "You're about the only one who's allowed here, though. In the family light, that is. But since we know about your situation... we can let you have this bit of comfort."

She put a hand on his shoulder.

"She'll be fine. She's in perfectly capable hands, nothing to worry about. Before you know it, you'll be exchanging saliva like never before."

She chuckled at his apparently priceless expression and shook her head.

"I'm serious, Mr. Jane. Enjoy your beautiful children – because they are beautiful. Trust me, I've seen many babies but none as beautiful as these wonders. Well, the parents are both quite a catch as well, I have to admit that."

He was chuckling by now and felt his cheeks burning. God, what was it with him now? He shouldn't feel this way, not now! He should be praying for Teresa's safety, praying that she get through this alive, but instead he was listening to a nurse who had obviously not slept the past night make jokes.

She pulled up a chair and put it behind the two cribs, moving the cribs as close together as remotely possible.

"It's hospital policy that babies don't share cribs. This is the closest they can get to each other here – except for when you'll hold them, obviously. Don't yet, though. We'll prepare food for them when it's time. Teresa fed them when you visited her?"

He nodded.

"Then we can set up a feeding schedule – not that babies ever stick to schedules."

"Well, neither do I."

She grinned. "I've noticed, wondering off to IC without permission, carrying two newborn babies."

He shrugged. He walked over to the chair she had put behind the cribs and sat down, leaning forward to look at his beauties sleeping.

"Just go with the flow, Mr. Jane. We'll tell you when you need to start doing something." He didn't need to ask what she meant with 'doing something' – she was probably talking about changing diapers or feeding them. Not that he could nurse them but he was sure they had options for babies in situations like these.

He nodded and faintly noticed the nurse leaving.

"Well then," he whispered. "There we are."

He reached out and brushed Junior's hands – tiny little hands, unbelievably tiny. He was still amazed at the wonder of birth – something so small, yet so beautiful, can come out of a woman like that. Beautiful gender, women – they had so many amazing things about them, he could talk for hours about them but still require more time.

"Mummy will be in surgery soon... they'll remove one of her breasts. So you'll have to share the other for the time being." He smiled softly. "You can never start too early with the concept of sharing, huh?"

Although he wasn't sure whether it was acceptable that Teresa breastfeed them while she was getting cancer treatment. So now he assumed that they had to grow up with infant formula instead.

Junior's fingers moved and then clasped around his index finger. He felt tears burning behind his eyes and smiled, his lower lip trembling.

He remembered his little girl grabbing his finger like that – it had been the first moment he had realized that he truly wanted that girl, wanted her as his daughter, as his own flesh and blood. In that moment, he had realized how much he actually loved her, because before that, he hadn't been sure. After that, he walked up to strange people and told them that he was a Daddy now, glowing with love and admiration.

But he'd already been in love with these two – from the first moment he saw Teresa was pregnant, and the moment where he saw both of them (not just one) on the ultrasound, to his moment. His salvation, a true blessing. He hadn't known he wanted to be a Daddy anymore after what had happened to Charlotte, but when that stick in Teresa's hand had said 'yes', he knew it for sure. He was a proud Daddy again, practically glowing with love and admiration, only the strange people he talked to were missing.

"God, I love you, my darlings," he whispered. He felt a tear trickle down his cheek, but this time it was love that brought him to tears, not pain for once. "And I will do everything I can to make sure you'll grow up to be amazing people. Adorable babies, clever toddlers, witty children, stubborn teens, unknowing young-adults and perfect adults. All of it. Me and... and your Mummy. We both love you so very much."

And he swore he saw two identical small smiles on the twin's lips.

~...~

"_Daddy!" a little girl exclaimed gleefully when he entered the room. He didn't have much time to think about it some more as he was attacked by a blur of dark curls and green eyes. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her before she managed to knock him to the floor, lifted her from the ground and spinning around, making her chuckle._

"_Hey there, Princess," he whispered with a big smile on his face. "Did you behave today?"_

_She chuckled again and shook her head. "No Daddy, just like you told me!"_

_He pulled her closer and smiled. Unfortunately, the 'nanny' (she was really just a permanent babysitter but everybody considered her a nanny) wasn't all that pleased with what he'd done._

"_You told them to misbehave?" Holly asked. She was getting furious, which made his amusement only bigger._

"_Mr. Jane!"_

"_Please, Holly, call me Patrick. You know I don't like that 'Mister' stuff."_

_She nodded and turned towards the kitchen._

"_The kids wanted to go outside so I took them to the supermarket, Mr. Ja- I mean, Patrick." He smiled. "I bought some cake and sweets. I know you don't agree on it, but... I think they should have some candy from time to time. And..."_

_His smile faltered and he put down the girl he was holding. "Go play with your brother, Zooey."_

_Zooey nodded and walked away, almost skipping, her dark curls bouncing on her shoulders._

"_I'm sorry, Patrick, I shouldn't have made you think of it."_

"_No, no... no, it's fine, Holly. But... it does hurt. They're four years old... but she's only seen them when they were just born." He shook his head. "But there's no use in dwelling on that."_

_He turned towards the picture of her above the fireplace. It was the only picture he had of her from when she was pregnant. Heavily pregnant that is, a few days before the twins were born. A few days before... she had passed away._

_A cry from the playroom jerked him out of his epiphany and he instantly ran towards where the sound came from._

~...~

He slowly opened his eyes and instantly noticed a shrill kind of crying. He frowned, his brain still clouded by sleep. He sat up straight and rubbed in his eyes.

Suddenly, the crying got softer until it finally stopped. He looked up.

He saw Cho was holding one of the babies, softly rocking so to stop the crying. The man didn't look up but instead kept focusing on the baby.

Well that was a sight Jane hadn't thought he would ever see. Cho wasn't a children-man and Jane was pretty sure he would never have children, but he totally proved now that he _could_ be perfect with children.

Cho turned. Their eyes crossed.

"You were asleep," he stated. Great observation skills, Agent Cho. "Van Pelt and Rigsby are on their way here."

"What were they...?" Damn, his mind was foggy because of the sleep he'd had and so was his voice. "What were they doing?"

"Picking up clothes and... people."

"People?"

Cho realized the mistake he'd made and shut up for a lot of minutes after that. The baby in his arms had long ago been silenced but he didn't want to let go yet. Jane knew the feeling; it had taken him everything he had to walk away from Teresa, and he hadn't been able to keep his hands next to his body as he watched the twin sleeping.

Cho looked at the window showing the hallway, and as though he'd seen his cue, he put down the baby, carefully, and sat down.

Jane frowned and looked at window. He didn't get time to register who were standing there as they moved inside the room quickly, in a blur. Damn, foggy mind, foggy mind!

"Hey!" he heard Rigsby's voice when he screamed – Grace covered his mouth almost immediately. He frowned but then realized where they were and his eyes widened. "Sorry."

Jane rolled his eyes but stood and met them in front of the two cribs – a few other babies were starting to get restless but as soon as Rigsby shut up, they sighed contently and continued sleeping. This sight reminded Jane of something that could happen in sci-fi movies – some sort of powder that could make the babies sleep all at the same time.

He shook his head. He was thinking of babies as characters in sci-fi movies – he definitely needed some fresh air or tea. Preferably tea.

"Hey," Grace said, a lot softer than Rigsby had, and handed him a plastic bag. He looked inside. "It's clothes. For you and for the kids. I mean, the blankets are really cute and all but I think it hardly deserves the name 'clothing'. And... we'd bought this already anyway as a gift for when they were born. I never actually thought we'd have to give it already."

Jane nodded. He appreciated that she thought like this, always the convenient friend.

"Thanks."

She nodded as though she was trying to say 'any time, Jane', then sat down.

"Did you hear anything about Teresa yet?"

"No."

She sighed and nodded again. "Okay." Then she reached into one of the cribs and picked up the baby occupying it. The baby garbled a bit and looked at the person the arms belonged to.

"Let's get you dressed properly, Sweetie," she whispered. The baby reached out and softly touched her face with its tiny hands.

Jane sighed. He wished he could go and see his Teresa now.

~...~

Minelli had arrived too, thank God. Not long after the team had been completed with the obvious exception of Teresa, he had joined the forces too. He had been the ever so proud granddad nobody had expected him to be, almost giving the twins pocket-money and a hand full of candy already. Jane had no doubt he would be a good granddad throughout his time with the twins, even though the beginning would be a bit of unknown territory for all of them.

Grace being a new god-mother. Rigsby and Cho being new uncles. Minelli being a new (unofficial but that didn't matter) granddad. Jane was a Daddy again, and Teresa was a new Mummy. If she would only have the chance to truly _experience_ it...

"Jane, let's take a walk, shall we?"

Jane was pulled out of his reverie by Minelli putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nope, sorry," Jane answered.

He didn't take his eyes off the sleeping babies until he saw something else very familiar from the corner of his eyes. Was that...? No, it couldn't be.

"We can take the kids with us, keep an eye on them. Although for your personality, that's to be considered very ironical, isn't it? It is without... okay, let's go then."

Minelli made him stand up and Jane realized that he had no choice but to accept this chance at getting outside. Although he knew that not even a hurricane would be able to clear his mind of his Teresa possibly being in surgery now, maybe even fighting for her life. Why did nobody else realize this? Why was everybody else acting as though they didn't care about her? They should all want to see her too! What were these people even doing?!

Minelli seemed to have dragged him outside by his arm for when Jane's focus returned to the present again, they were walking in the park.

The older man didn't say anything and Jane was grateful. Although he was already looking at the outside world and wondering why the world didn't stop turning and why nobody was as frustrated, scared and nervous as he was.

No, Patrick Jane, get a grip _now_. She was right, she'll survive. She _had_ to. Because he didn't know if life was worth anything without her – right now, not even their children were worth more than her.

"She'll survive, y'know," Minelli said. Jane looked at him as though he had grown a second head – nobody ever read him the way he read people and the fact that Minelli seemed to have read his mind like that scared him a little. But when he looked at the man, he realized that it wasn't mindreading that had made Minelli say that – it had been Jane's facial expression. "She's a tough cop, that one. Feisty. I don't believe she'll let anything as stupid as cancer bring her down. She'll fight for her life – especially now that her life is so perfect with you three."

Jane smiled softly. Yes, that sounded like his Teresa. But Jane wondered one thing.

"How do you know her life is so perfect? She has cancer, it can't possibly be perfect."

Minelli shook his head. "She, uh, tried to contact me several times over the past few months. At first, she left short voicemails asking me whether I was willing to come over and catch up. But when she realized that I wasn't going to answer her or even visit you, she left longer voicemails. Telling me about her life, about all the amazing things she had experienced that week." He smiled. "My voicemail was her diary, I suppose."

He stopped walking and reached into his jacket pocket. He messed around with his phone a little until he handed it to Jane. "This is her most recent voicemail, it's from a week ago."

Jane took it from him and lifted it to his ear like he had his own phone when he had realized she had left him a voicemail too.

"_Hey Virgil, it's been a while since I last left you message but I thought it was high time. It's only a few weeks until I'll give birth, and I'm kind of nervous for it. But I know that it will all be worth it since I'll finally be able to hold my beautiful babies in my arms. If they'll look anything like Jane, they'll be charming people right after they are born."_ A soft giggle came and Jane realized it was Teresa giggling in the voicemail. His heart warmed. _"I'm feeling worse these days, and I suppose it's the cancer attacking me from behind. Like it isn't granting me any happy feelings at all. I'm praying for our babies to be born before the cancer is able to advance in any way. I know it's my own fault that this situation is getting riskier but I couldn't possibly let go of my children that easy, could I? I can't give it up all now, not now every moment of every day I feel like the happiest woman in the world."_ She sighed. _"You know what, you were right all along. I was already in love with him the moment he walked through those elevator doors. You were right in keeping him, because for some reason you could see how happy he would make me ten years later."_ A short pause came. Jane could only imagine what she had been thinking about in that moment. _"Thank you, Virgil. For everything. You're the only person whom I can call a true father figure. I honestly don't know where I would be without you. And if you decide to let Jane listen to this when you two are alone sometime; the same applies to you, Jane."_ Again, a pause. Jane had lifted an eyebrow and was looking at Minelli who was merely smiling. Well, Jane had taught her well. Apparently, he and Minelli were too predictable for her and she had no trouble reading them at all. For some reason, that made him feel proud. _"Oh, Jane's coming home from work. I'd better get him a cup of tea otherwise he'll punish me by kissing me senseless and then we would never manage to eat something at all today. I hope you'll be able to come to the hospital when I'll give birth. It would be a huge support for me to know that you're actually there. All the love, Teresa Lisbon."_

Jane sighed, wanting to hold on to her voice a little longer, almost wishing he could listen to all of her voicemails but he knew it would make things worse for him. He would listen to it later, though.

"She loves you, and though the circumstances weren't at all perfect, your life is. Because she has you. And you know that for the past decade, she hasn't wanted anything as badly as she wanted you. In the end, she got exactly what she wanted."

Minelli smiled. But his smile dropped as he looked up at Jane.

"Don't be too negative now, please. For Teresa's sake. She wouldn't want you to give up hope yet so don't. If she says she'll be fine, she'll be fine."

This made Jane smile softly. Yes. Yes, she would be fine. Minelli was right.

Jane nodded and took in a deep breath.

"How did you manage to get the twin outside, though? They're not even a day old, I wouldn't have been surprised if they wouldn't be allowed outside for at least a week." Jane asked. The older man laughed.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

And when Minelli turned his head back to the twin in the double baby wagon, Jane noticed the faint trace of red lipstick on the man's cheek.

That cheeky old charmer!

Jane's phone went off. Jane's eyes widened and his heart started beating faster. He was so nervous he had the feeling he was about to throw up.

"Jane?" he answered the call. The first thing he heard was person crying softly and his heart plummeted.

No. Please, no.

"You have to come back immediately," Rigsby said, and instantly ended the phone call.

And Jane dropped his phone and ran as fast as his feet could carry him.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, let me know what you think, please! I really truly need it, I'm going insane here thinking that nobody likes my stories and I know you do, but still, UGH. Anyway, drop me a line, will you? Thanks in advance!**


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